Archive for the ‘One-liners’ Category

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up. –South Street Seaport Overheard by: Julium Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color. –Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th Overheard by: Sebastian White Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai! –Union Square Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you. –Union Square Park Overheard by: molly Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue. –Hill Country BBQ Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's