Archive for the ‘One Night Stand’ Category

A Re­al­ly Hor­ri­ble Per­son Would­n’t Have Used the Con­doms

Hip­ster #1: I can’t be­lieve you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hip­ster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I to­tal­ly vin­di­cat­ed my­self im­me­di­ate­ly af­ter.
Hip­ster #1: Yeah?
Hip­ster #2: We must have wok­en up her hot blond suit­e­m­ate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your gi­ant cock!“
Hip­ster #1: And how do you know?
Hip­ster #2: Be­cause af­ter­ward, she passed out, and I went out to her liv­ing room to have a smoke, and her room­mate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hip­ster #1: That’s awe­some.
Hip­ster #2: Yeah. The fun­ni­est part was, I snuck back in­to her room when she was passed out and stole some con­doms from her draw­er.
Hip­ster #1: You’re a hor­ri­ble per­son.
Hip­ster #2: I know.

–L train

Over­heard by: Slap­py McGee

And Now He’s Got My Vote

Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I want­ed to get a drink, so I took him to the bar every­one was at.
Girl #1: Then what hap­pened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hard­ly re­mem­ber, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked.

–CVS, 9th & 58th

“And When You Give Them Your Car Keys, And Your ATM Card”

Bux­om Blonde: One night stands can be re­al­ly hot, it’s great for a night of fun.
Male Date: You know what’s even hot­ter? When you don’t know their name and you nev­er talk to them again.
Blonde: Yeah, and when you give them $200 at the end of the night.
Male: Yeah, that’s re­al­ly hot.

–Deci­bel Sake Bar

Over­heard by: cara

The Vil­lage Bi­cy­cle’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl on cell: So I asked my door­man if I brought any­one home with me last night and he said he did­n’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!

–Out­side 145th sub­way sta­tion

Hip­ster girl: San­ta is a man whore!

–45th & 8th

Col­lege girl: And then we’re hav­ing what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like “what are you do­ing?”

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: silvver

In­di­an girl: I need to up my sex num­ber. I ei­ther wan­na sleep with a pro­fes­sor or a celebri­ty. (long pause) Wait! Pro­fes­sors are like celebri­ties!

–72nd and Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Vin­cent

Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me “don’t be a ho.”

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Lotte

Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then in­dig­nant­ly) How you gonna sleep with some­one for four dol­lars?

–Bergen and Smith

It Was a “Five Fin­ger Dis­count” in Every Sense Of the Word

Drunk girl: I’m to­tal­ly in­to “Wham, bam, thank you mam.” Peo­ple think it’s trashy but I just wan­na get mine.
Less drunk girl: I like to have re­la­tion­ships, make them work for it. I mean, what do you get out of a one-night-stand?
Drunk girl: One time I stole the guy’s watch.

–LIRR