Archive for the ‘One Night Stand’ Category

And Now He’s Got My Vote

Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I want­ed to get a drink, so I took him to the bar every­one was at.
Girl #1: Then what hap­pened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hard­ly re­mem­ber, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked.

–CVS, 9th & 58th

“And When You Give Them Your Car Keys, And Your ATM Card”

Bux­om Blonde: One night stands can be re­al­ly hot, it’s great for a night of fun.
Male Date: You know what’s even hot­ter? When you don’t know their name and you nev­er talk to them again.
Blonde: Yeah, and when you give them $200 at the end of the night.
Male: Yeah, that’s re­al­ly hot.

–Deci­bel Sake Bar

Over­heard by: cara

The Vil­lage Bi­cy­cle’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl on cell: So I asked my door­man if I brought any­one home with me last night and he said he did­n’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!

–Out­side 145th sub­way sta­tion

Hip­ster girl: San­ta is a man whore!

–45th & 8th

Col­lege girl: And then we’re hav­ing what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like “what are you do­ing?”

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: silvver

In­di­an girl: I need to up my sex num­ber. I ei­ther wan­na sleep with a pro­fes­sor or a celebri­ty. (long pause) Wait! Pro­fes­sors are like celebri­ties!

–72nd and Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Vin­cent

Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me “don’t be a ho.”

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Lotte

Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then in­dig­nant­ly) How you gonna sleep with some­one for four dol­lars?

–Bergen and Smith

It Was a “Five Fin­ger Dis­count” in Every Sense Of the Word

Drunk girl: I’m to­tal­ly in­to “Wham, bam, thank you mam.” Peo­ple think it’s trashy but I just wan­na get mine.
Less drunk girl: I like to have re­la­tion­ships, make them work for it. I mean, what do you get out of a one-night-stand?
Drunk girl: One time I stole the guy’s watch.

–LIRR

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Just Want­ed a Nice Meal Out of It

Male 9 to 5‑er: And, you know, they’re all dwarves… But I would­n’t be em­bar­rassed to go out with them.

–Fed­er­al Plaza

Cig­a­rette-voiced JAP: Yeah, he was lame. But I on­ly fake-dat­ed him in, like, eighth grade.

–54th & 11th

Hip­ster on cell: If you sleep to­geth­er af­ter­wards, it’s a date.

–Man­hat­tan Ave, Green­point

Over­heard by: Miss Heather

Thug: Yo, the rule is, if you take her out to din­ner and a movie she has to suck your cock. That’s the rule.

–23rd & 8th

Over­heard by: Liza

Girl on cell: Look, Pe­ter, I’m not say­ing that I hate you. It’s just that you fuck­ing an­noy me so much that I’d rather eat my own spleen than go out with you again.

–Star­bucks, 45th & 6th

Over­heard by: al­ways turn­ing up my IPOD

Girl on cell: No, she did­n’t dump him on you. She dumped him and then he got on you.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Steve O

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Take Oc­ca­sion­al Breaks to Eat and Show­er

Mi­ni-skirt on cell: Just be­cause I had sex with you does­n’t mean I gave you my phone num­ber!

–52nd & Lex­ing­ton

Brunette with a booty on her cell: You’re go­ing to be a whore this sum­mer. (quick pause) Can you start by com­ing out here and whor­ing your­self?!

–Penn Sta­tion

Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those back­flips? He’s like 6 feet tall and su­per built. He prob­a­bly gets so much ass. What­ev­er, I would to­tal­ly be his groupie.

–Mid­town East

Over­heard by: damn i’d be his groupie too

Bounc­er to bounc­er: The bible does say “Be fruit­ful and mul­ti­ply.” It does­n’t say “with one per­son.”

–West Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Bible Fan

Chick: I’m not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch’s boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Kel­ly