Archive for the ‘Only in New York’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Schooled

Pro­fes­sor: So what do we know about these debt notes?” (si­lence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that ob­vi­ous­ly you don’t know?

–NYU Law School

Over­heard by: Ames

Pro­fes­sor: My fa­vorite words to hear are “just do noth­ing.” My sec­ond fa­vorites are “open bar.”

–Col­lege of Mount Saint Vin­cent, Bronx

En­vi­ron­men­tal his­to­ry pro­fes­sor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a ho­tel of Chica­go Thanks­giv­ing din­ner from 1872: loin of buf­fa­lo, an­te­lope steak in mush­room sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of moun­tain sheep, buf­fa­lo tongue… Miss Palin, your ta­ble is ready.

–Class­room, Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Mar­tin Van Nos­trand

Lin­guis­tics pro­fes­sor, about Span­ish-speak­ing fam­i­lies who live in Span­ish-speak­ing neigh­bor­hoods: The on­ly Eng­lish these peo­ple hear is from their land­lords and so­cial work­ers.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lat­ka Hero

NYU pro­fes­sor: So we’re go­ing to be walk­ing, and you’ll no­tice I walk pret­ty fast. But we’re in New York, and you’re sup­posed to walk like you know ex­act­ly where you’re go­ing in life and noth­ing is in your way. Be­cause if you slow down you’ll get mugged. (beat) It’s dog eat dog, peo­ple.

–NYU Class­room

Russ­ian lit­er­a­ture pro­fes­sor: Oh my god, you just to­tal­ly missed the point of Je­sus!

–NYU Class­room

Wheres­day One-Lin­ers

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Cen­tral!

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Guy on Side­kick to an­oth­er: I was­n’t sure if he was talk­ing about Buf­fa­lo or Bal­ti­more! I mean, I don’t even know where Buf­fa­lo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sob­bing on cell: You don’t un­der­stand! They told me I was sup­posed to go to Penn Sta­tion but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: queenof­s­cots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ire­land if you’re not go­ing to go see Stone­henge?

–Cost­co, Brook­lyn

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Over­heard by: Spe­cial K

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That’s why I can’t help but love New York. New York is like the sick un­cle that touch­es you when no ones around.

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Girl, af­ter pass­ing a tourist bump­ing in­to her: In New York we say “ex­cuse me!”

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: The City Plan­ner

Guy to friend: Are we in the in­ner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walk­ing out of Penn sta­tion: You know what’s great about go­ing out in New York City? You can get com­plete­ly bombed and it’s no big deal, be­cause you’ll prob­a­bly nev­er see those peo­ple again, you know?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like “shit­ter.”

–96th & Colum­bus Ave

The Gates Changed New York For­ev­er

El­der­ly woman: Ex­cuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re try­ing to get to the high­est point in the park to see The Gates.

A NY­er points out the way. Af­ter she leaves, he says: I’m pret­ty sure I gave her the wrong di­rec­tions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ram­ble

Over­heard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will re­al­ly put New York back on the map.

–The Gates

Suit: Ex­cuse me, I want­ed to ask you about your [big or­ange] wig. Are you ad­vo­cat­ing your sup­port for The Gates or are you com­ment­ing on how crazy and triv­ial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Moth­er: No, Michael. That was laun­dry.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Is­n’t it love­ly?
Old woman #2: Well, I would­n’t call it art, but I’m cer­tain­ly glad New York has some­thing to amuse it dur­ing the month of Feb­ru­ary.

–Mo­MA roof

Over­heard by: Michael Bra­cy

Where Else Can You Get Labia Jew­el­ry on the Street?

Man sell­ing glass­es on the street: Would you like a pierc­ing to­day?
Woman on phone: Hang on… What?
Man sell­ing glass­es: Would you like to get a pierc­ing to­day?
Woman: Would I like a…? No, I would not like to get a pierc­ing to­day. (back in­to phone) I love New York.

–St. Mark’s St

Over­heard by: Lo­gan

Many of Us Are Even at Jim’s Lev­el

Yup­pie mom #1: Can you be­lieve that there are peo­ple liv­ing in this city who make un­der two hun­dred thou­sand dol­lars?
Yup­pie mom #2: Re­al­ly?
Yup­pie mom #1: Yes, I’d nev­er do that. I would­n’t want to live like a Huck­le­ber­ry Finn.

The con­ver­sa­tion then got too low for me to hear af­ter they saw I was eaves­drop­ping and giv­ing them the evil eye.

–River­side Park

Non-Re­cy­clable Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor: Please throw away your news­pa­pers and garbage in the trash cans on sta­tion plat­forms and know that the trash cans can on­ly hold two hu­man bod­ies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of pa­pers to passer­by) Thanks, broth­er. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Car­riage dri­ver to horse: You see that chest­nut? That’s called “Eu­ro­trash.”

–Cen­tral Park South

Over­heard by: Andy

Gi­ant old man to scream­ing and jump­ing chil­dren: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madi­son & Nos­trand, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: g

Con­duc­tor: Please place any­one who has be­come garbage en route in the ap­pro­pri­ate re­cep­ta­cle.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jess

Woman walk­ing down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage non­cha­lant­ly, keeps walk­ing)

–W 19th