Archive for the ‘Only in New York’ Category

Clearly the Googleionaires Have Never Walked the NYC Streets

Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 ‑0700
From: Google AdSense 
To: [email protected]
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
Cc: Google AdSense

Hello Steven,

Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we’re unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time.

We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this email for reconsideration when you have made the changes.

Issues:

- Inappropriate language

———————

Further detail:

Inappropriate language: We’ve found that your website contains content that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense. Please review our policies(https://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_US) for a complete list of site content not allowed on web pages.

[Surely they don’t mean “nigga”? –Ed.]

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Professor: So what do we know about these debt notes?” (silence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that obviously you don’t know?

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Ames

Professor: My favorite words to hear are “just do nothing.” My second favorites are “open bar.”

–College of Mount Saint Vincent, Bronx

Environmental history professor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a hotel of Chicago Thanksgiving dinner from 1872: loin of buffalo, antelope steak in mushroom sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of mountain sheep, buffalo tongue… Miss Palin, your table is ready.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Linguistics professor, about Spanish-speaking families who live in Spanish-speaking neighborhoods: The only English these people hear is from their landlords and social workers.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Latka Hero

NYU professor: So we’re going to be walking, and you’ll notice I walk pretty fast. But we’re in New York, and you’re supposed to walk like you know exactly where you’re going in life and nothing is in your way. Because if you slow down you’ll get mugged. (beat) It’s dog eat dog, people.

–NYU Classroom

Russian literature professor: Oh my god, you just totally missed the point of Jesus!

–NYU Classroom

Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here’s Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn’t sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don’t even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don’t understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don’t know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don’t get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you’re not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That’s why I can’t help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say “excuse me!”

–Macy’s, Herald Square

Overheard by: The City Planner

Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what’s great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it’s no big deal, because you’ll probably never see those people again, you know?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like “shitter.”

–96th & Columbus Ave

The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates.

A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ramble

Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map. 

–The Gates

Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry. 

–Central Park

Overheard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February. 

–MoMA roof

Overheard by: Michael Bracy