Archive for the ‘Orgasm’ Category

“Don’t Hate Me Be­cause I’m Wednes­day One-Lin­er”

Hobo to fe­male passer­by (singing): Pret­ty woman, walk­ing down the street/Pretty woman, eat­ing a ham­burg­er…

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Over­heard by: Hun­gry By­stander

Sales­girl to an­oth­er: You look pret­ty today…for a lit­tle Fil­ipino girl.

–Amer­i­can Ea­gle, So­Ho

Over­heard by: Hol­ly

Loud hobo walk­ing through crowd­ed train: Lots of beau­ti­ful ladies on this train. Beau­ti­ful white ladies. Beau­ti­ful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-look­ing girl) Do you wear make­up? You should­n’t. You don’t need it, you are so beau­ti­ful. If you have any make­up, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ug­ly.

–Down­town 4 Train

50-some­thing woman to pret­ty 20-some­thing girl: I just want­ed you to know that our hus­bands over there think you are one of the most beau­ti­ful girls they have ever seen. So now our hus­bands are go­ing to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be think­ing of you dur­ing, but thanks to you I am go­ing to have an or­gasm tonight, so thank you for be­ing so gor­geous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Over­heard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think be­cause you’re pret­ty you can get away with that shit. Well, you’re wrong! You can get away with that shit be­cause you’re rich!

–Du­ane Reade, Colum­bus Ave

Over­heard by: Veron­i­ca at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m se­ri­ous, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and mas­tur­bat­ing burns a lot of calo­ries, too.

–Brook­lyn

Very up­set drunk hobo, af­ter con­duc­tor an­nounces last stop: Your kickin’ all these peo­ple out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowl­ing Green Sta­tion

Street dancer: Every­one on earth was born as a re­sult of an or­gasm. Every­one mas­tur­bates. And if they say they don’t, they’re ly­ing. Even the Pope mas­tur­bates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throw­ing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Ass­hole mas­tur­bat­ed in my tea!

–Out­side Star­bucks

Teen thug: I wan­na plea­sure my­self while writ­ing an es­say, what’s the prob­lem with that?

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Robert G.

I’m Start­ing to Care That the Girl Has an Or­gasm

Girl #1: So wait… You have trou­ble or­gas­ming?
Girl #2: Yes! It’s like im­pos­si­ble for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fin­ger­ing and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hang­ing in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hang­ing out with more guys.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

He’s Gonna Get Home Way be­fore She Does

Woman: One more stop, but then we’ll still be re­al­ly fuck­ing far away from home.
Man: Maybe the bus will come like that [snaps fin­gers], just like I came this morn­ing [snaps them again].
Woman: Shhh! There are oth­er peo­ple on this train, you know!
Man: Oh, it does­n’t mat­ter, no one’s lis­ten­ing.

–L train

Over­heard by: i’m sit­ting right next to you

Oh Wait a Minute, I Think She’s Hav­ing a Seizure

Girl: See that la­dy over there? She’s like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, se­ri­ous­ly. She’s so fun­ny to watch. Who the fuck or­gasms to a song?
Guy: I’d or­gasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What’s a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Some­thing like “I Wan­na Fuck You Like an An­i­mal.”
(lit­tle boy ob­serv­ing an­i­mals stares, puz­zled)

–Cen­tral Park Zoo

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are So Not the Fresh­mak­er

Bim­bette: I don’t think I’ve ever been that grossed out dur­ing the day. It all start­ed when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Over­heard by: j

Fe­male suit: We were above an In­di­an restau­rant and he was bang­ing me from be­hind. I could smell the cur­ry, and while he was bang­ing me I was gag­ging.

–NJ Tran­sit

Chick: You smell like vag and piz­za.

–Bor­ders

Girl to friend, af­ter bend­ing head down in­to her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Nicole

Col­lege guy (scream­ing at friend): Dude! How are you even in col­lege?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Trop­i­cal Glade!

–1 Train

Con­cerned hip­ster: I know you just or­gasmed, but what’s that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Peanut