Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

I Love You, QVC!

Guy: Marriage is not for me. It's like having cable with only one channel.
Girl: Me either. My mama says it's like when you see some clothes in a store window and you think you want it, but you look at it for too long and change your mind. That's how I feel.
Guy: Dang! That's cold, son! You're comparing guys to clothes?! That ain't right!
Girl: You just compared women to tv channels.

–110th St & Broadway

Overheard by: CE

Panda: “I Feel Somehow…Unfulfilled.”

Very little girl: Okay, this is not going to be minutes, this is not going to be seconds: where is the panda?
Dad, looking around outdoor enclosure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very little girl, peering through fence: I can't see it!
Dad, lifting her just above fence: How's that?
Very little girl: Okay! Let's go!

–Red Panda Habitat, Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Wednesday One-Liners Are One Baaaad Mother– Shut Yo' Mouth!

Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Overheard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.

–R Train

Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.

–Midtown

Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Overheard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.

–37th & 7th

Shish Kanish Is That Falafel Place Over on Third

10-year-old white boy: Mom, you know what I'm wondering?
Mom: No, what?
10-year-old: What does “shish kanish” mean?
Mom, staring at him: What the hell are you talking about?
10-year-old: In that song by Shakira it says she makes a man wanna “shish kanish.”
Mom, shaking head: “Speak Spanish,” Cory. She made a man wanna speak Spanish. Shit, you ain't never gonna be a singer.

–Tenement Museum

Overheard by: Excuse me while I kiss this guy