Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

To Be Fair, the Elderly Man Wasn’t Wearing Pants Either

Five-year-old girl pissing behind tree to mother trying to talk to elderly man with dog: Look mommy! Look! I’m making a pee-pee behind the tree.
Mother: Yes, sweetie, that’s very nice. (returns to conversation with man)
Girl: Mommy! I’m still peeing! I’m still peeing!
Mother: Uh-huh. Well, pull your pants up when you’re done.
Girl: Mommy, there’s a squirrel! Hi, squirrel!
Old man: Careful! They have rabies and they’ll eat you!
Girl, running towards mother with no pants: Aaaaaah!

–Riverside Park

Way to Raise Your Kid to Be a Total Drag.

Little boy, watching teen girl smoking: Why are people always smoking cigarettes?
Dad: Because they are addictive. That is why daddy quit. Do you want to tell the nice girl what will happen to her if she doesn’t quit?
Little boy: Well, first you’ll get really sick. And then you’ll die. (pause) And then you’ll be dead!

–15th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Translation: “God, I Need a Woman.”

Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Woman: Sardines?
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don’t matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don’t. They like turn their heads away if they don’t like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.

–B26 Bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Wednesday One-liners Lunch Hour