Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

Looks Like Disney's Already Gotten Its Claws Into Him

Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don't touch that! Don't pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don't want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You're so lucky. Wow! A mouse.

–8th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Must not be from the village

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”

20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!

–Central Park

Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!

Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.

–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Anna

Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.

–Tribeca Park

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: This girl from NY

I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Wednesday RU-486-Liners

Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.

–N Train

Overheard by: Jill

30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.

–Abortion Clinic, Queens

Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!

–W Train

The Pogo Stick Made an Honest Woman Out of Her

Teen girl #1: I got a doctor’s appointment after school today. My mom saw this hickey and she’s taking me for a pregnancy test.
Teen boy: Yo, Mexican mom’s is crazy.
Teen girl #2: That sucks. If my mom ever tries to take me, I’m telling her it’s a civil rights violation.
Teen girl #1: I already got my excuse. I’m gonna say it busted when I was riding my bike.
Teen boy: No, that’s no good. Say you was jumpin’ up and down.

–7 train