Little girl: Mom, can we go in the supermarket? I want honeycombs.
Mom: No.
Little girl: Mom!
Mom: Girl! You make wanna have a cigarette.
–Outside Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
Overheard by: Glenn T
Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category
Happy Father’s and Deadbeat’s Day II
Guido kid: I wish that dad was here.
Guido kid’s mom: I do too, because the fat fuck owes me a thousand dollars
–Penn Station, NJ Transit
Overheard by: waiting for his 6:14 train
At Least They Agree About a Silly Outfit
Proud Asian father to friend: And my little one here, he’s going to be a football player when he grows up!
Little Asian boy: No way, Jose! I’m gonna be a Power Ranger!
–East Flatbush, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Frado
A Typical Saturday Night for David Hasselhoff
Angry drunk yelling at man: Fuck you! Fuck your mother! I hope you die, you piece of shit!
Angry drunk’s girlfriend: Will you just calm down?
Angry drunk: No, fuck that! I hope he dies! I hope his mother dies! I’ll fucking go back in time and terminate his mother!
Brave stranger: (laughs)
Angry drunk: What the fuck are you laughing at motherfucker?
Brave stranger: Going back in time and terminating his mother.
Angry drunk: Well, okay, that is funny… I like that movie too. (pause) Fuck him, I hope he dies!
–Q Train
Dad Did All the Crying
Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn’t crying, I was twirling my hair.
–Mannes College of Music
We’ll Change It Once White People Start Saying It
Kid: Mom, where you at?
Mom: I’m right here, baby, and it’s not where you at, it’s where you is.
–Crowded store
Overheard by: spamandvikings
Wednesday Caniners
Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.
–Central Park
Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!
–Williamsburg
Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!
–10th St & Broadway
Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.
–Brooklyn
…5, 6, 7, 8…!
Red-faced toddler in stroller: Nooooo!
Dad: Once more, with feeling!
–82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Jamie
Like Where Mommy Stores Her Tension
Four-year-old girl reading tag on the platform: B‑A-C-K-F-A‑T!
Supportive dad: Yeah, honey! That spells ‘back fat’!
–Ft. Hamilton Pkwy station
Overheard by: howardbannister
Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…
Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain’t gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Steven
Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!
–Virgil’s, W 44th St
Overheard by: Check, please!
Thugette: I’m just going to say, “Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself.”
–6 Train
Overheard by: i mean disrespect
20-something guy to friend: Man, you don’t understand. I really respect this broad…
–35th St & Lexington
