Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category

That Was Ac­tu­al­ly His Cam­paign Slo­gan

An­tho­ny Wein­er and what ap­pears to be 3 of his staff get out of a black Chevy Im­pala with tints and a spoil­er.

Stoned kid #1: Dude it’s An­tho­ny Wein­er.
Stoned kid #2: Who?
Stoned kid #1: An­tho­ny Weiner…the Con­gress­man. He lives right there.

Stoned kid #2 looks back

Stoned kid #2: Hey Wein­er! You’re a Wein­er!

–As­can Ave & Burns St, For­est Hills

Over­heard by: Pe­ter Sip­sas

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

…Away from Wit­ness­es

Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skate­board: Moooooooom! Go in­si­i­i­i­ide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neigh­bor: Did he just tell me to go in­side the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come in­side the house!

–Mon­roe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail