Archive for the ‘Park Slope’ Category

“Fuck Your Moth­er” Is Prac­ti­cal­ly a Good-Guy Mantra

Young thug #1: Every­one is get­ting tat­toos! Every­one!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got an­oth­er tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don’t you get one?
Young thug #1: I can’t… (whis­pers) My mom won’t let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nig­ga, fuck your moth­er. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I’m a good guy. My record is sealed!

–Deli, Park Slope

I See Har­vey Kei­t­el as the Moth­er

Mom to a sev­en-year-old kid on school bus: Fuck­ing an­i­mal, I’ll fuck­ing kill you!
Sev­en-year-old bul­ly: Suck my dick, you ug­ly bitch!
Mom to son: Every fuck­ing day! I can’t stand this shit!

–11th St & 4th ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Wish she did­n’t live on the block

My New Wife, Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Guy: Man, you think Lee Har­vey Os­wald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Over­heard by: Jess Is­sacharoff

Woman: Her bridal show­er was her sweet six­teen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got mar­ried? But hon­ey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my hus­band.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your hus­band who’s been cheat­ing on you for two fuck­ing years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s re­al­ly lone­ly since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lo­tion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t try­ing to see you noth­in’. I want to mar­ry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth!

–At­lantic Av­enue gas sta­tion

Over­heard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to lis­ten to me. Don’t lis­ten to your wife. Your wife does­n’t work here.

–Newark air­port

Over­heard by: jk

They Even Go to the Bath­room Crazy

Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, moth­er­fuck­er!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I was­n’t look­ing–
Hobo: Muther­fuckin’ fag­got. Prob­a­bly same fag­got pissin’ AIDS all over every­body. Ough­ta put a bul­let up you ass…

–Grand Cen­tral men’s room

Over­heard by: john chi­anese

A hobo has peed on him­self.

Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bath­room with­out all you bitch­es starin’ like it’s some­thing new?

–Prospect Park

Keep Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Your Pants, Dude

Prep­py guy: This may be the last thing I say with my pe­nis at­tached, but…

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his pe­nis is re­al­ly im­por­tant here, if his is bet­ter I’ll take him!

–26th St & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: your mom

Asian guy: Every­one else was on the floor. Every­one had a pe­nis in their face.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I’m say­ing is: don’t jump on the first pe­nis that comes along!

–Broad­way

Boss, about weightlift­ing: My gen­i­tals were so in­vert­ed I used to crap my pe­nis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six eu­phemisms for “pe­nis” in the first scene!

–Ju­nior High School

Over­heard by: gaby­gril­lz

Who Let the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Out?

Queer, to his Ger­man Shep­herd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, re­strain­ing his dog from fol­low­ing an­oth­er dog across the street: C’­mon, bud­dy. It was­n’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman drag­ging her dog away from an­oth­er dog who is bark­ing fran­ti­cal­ly: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so up­set.

–Dit­mars Blvd, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: sara n.

Cop to his whin­ing Ger­man Shep­herd: Awww, what’s wrong ba­by? Did you see an ass­hole?

–West 4th Sta­tion

Over­heard Goes to the Cin­e­ma

Girl #1: He fine.
Girl #2: Who? Anakin?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Fin­er den Ush­er?
Girl #1: Nah, no­body fin­er den Ush­er.

–The Pavil­ion, Park Slope

Black guy: Yo, fuck the Je­di. It’s all about the Dark Side. I’m the oth­er Dark Lord you’ve been look­ing for.

–86th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Joshua S.

Girl: Oh my god, all this time I thought I was a Bud­dhist, but I’m re­al­ly a Sith.

–UA movie the­ater, Union Square

Over­heard by: Lara Evan­ge­lista