Archive for the ‘Parks’ Category

Wel­come to the Wednes­day One-Lin­er Po­si­tion­ing Sys­tem

Girl on cell, look­ing for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m di­rect­ly un­der it right now.

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a dis­turb­ing men­tal im­age. Yeah, ex­act­ly. Riv­er full of ham­sters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: That would be tru­ly ter­ri­fy­ing.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the down­town side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the cor­ner of fuckin’ some­thin’ an some­thin’.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the cor­ner of Charles Street and moth­er­fuck­ing I don’t know!

–West Vil­lage

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Av­enue.

–G Train

“What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­er)”

Girl to teenage posse: Ei­ther the pen was re­al­ly weak or his butt was re­al­ly strong.

–Jack­son Heights, Queens

Over­heard by: News­bun­ny does­n’t want to know

Crazy guy to self, af­ter av­er­age woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I’d eat a sand­wich out that ass!

–36th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Din­gle­ber­ry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt mag­a­zines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It’s like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Old­er woman to younger woman: If your booty de­serves the cred­it, give it the cred­it!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Cred­it!

You’ll Nev­er Be the Man Your Moth­er Was.

Girl­friend: You could just be gay.
Boyfriend: I don’t want to be gay! I just wan­na be a woman.

–Hous­ton & Lafayette

Head­line by: Paul S

Run­ners-Up:

· “ ‘Cause surgery is eas­i­er than com­ing out” — Becky

· “Be All You Can’t Be” — Mike D

· “Cant have a man-made pussy and eat it, too” — N. Del­wood

· “Ca­reer day coun­selors nev­er know what to ex­pect” — pe­ter

· “It’s all pil­low fights and boo­bies ’til you start PM­S­ing.” — mthy

· “Michael Jack­son’s Cos­met­ic Surgery Con­sul­ta­tion Gets Hos­tile” — kane, okc

· “The long-await­ed yet unan­ticipt­ed an­swer to ‘Tell me what you want, what you re­al­ly, re­al­ly want’ ” — cinekat

· “Tran­sex­u­al does not a ho­mo­sex­u­al make” — i like men too

· “Vagi­nas: The Con­so­la­tion Prize” — sh

· “Your Phan­tom Limb Will Still Want To Stem The Rose” — el­robinder


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Pan­da: “I Feel Some­how…Un­ful­filled.”

Very lit­tle girl: Okay, this is not go­ing to be min­utes, this is not go­ing to be sec­onds: where is the pan­da?
Dad, look­ing around out­door en­clo­sure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very lit­tle girl, peer­ing through fence: I can’t see it!
Dad, lift­ing her just above fence: How’s that?
Very lit­tle girl: Okay! Let’s go!

–Red Pan­da Habi­tat, Cen­tral Park Zoo

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok