Archive for the ‘Pedophilia’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Do the Vat­i­can Rag

Suit on cell: No, I’m not com­ing in today…I’m on the Up­per East Side. There’s all this traf­fic from the Pope’s “Don’t sodom­ize the kids” world tour.

–83rd & Lex

Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.

–6th and D

Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this week­end with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that mutha­fuc­ka.

–218th & Park Ter­race West

Over­heard by: Kel­ley

Old la­dy, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wear­ing Pope shoes.

–Carmine St

Over­heard by: arct­i­nus

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Cunt Hard­ly Wait

Ran­dom girl: I think PE­TA should be in­formed any time an an­i­mal is ful­ly sub­merged in a vagi­na.

–Web­ster Hall

Over­heard by: Jen

20-some­thing plat­inum blonde to an­oth­er: Her vagi­na… Her vagi­na must be the size of, like, the Grand Canyon.

–7th Ave & 12th St

Girl, about her play: I don’t think peo­ple are go­ing to laugh about the vagi­na be­ing killed on stage… Yeah, no one’s gonna laugh when the vagi­na dies.

–NYU

Dude ques­tion­ing an­oth­er: What do mean by “mod­er­ate Tal­iban”? Like the women can wax their vagi­nas?

–Eliz­a­beth Street

Young man shout­ing on cell: Then just tell her you don’t like her vagi­na!

–26th St & Park Ave

What Is It About a Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Uni­form?

Se­cu­ri­ty guard to an­oth­er: I know it’s ha­bit­u­al to act re­tard­ed.

–Time Warn­er Se­cu­ri­ty Check

Over­heard by: span­dan­gle

Se­cu­ri­ty guard: The door’s that way, peo­ple. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it’s hu­man na­ture.

–Crown Plaza Ho­tel, Times Square

Over­heard by: GJL

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard: What does my sex­u­al gen­i­talia have to do with it?

–Brook­lyn Li­brary

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, mom­my, look! They’ve got se­cu­ri­ty guards! Must be a rich peo­ple place.

–86th & Brook­lyn

Se­cu­ri­ty guard, af­ter met­al de­tec­tor beeps: Ma’am, would you please re­move your wood­en bracelet and walk back through the met­al de­tec­tor again?

–Lib­er­ty Is­land

Over­heard by: heather lin­ford

Crazy se­cu­ri­ty guard: I have so much gas. I’m go­ing to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets dis­tract­ed by a girl walk­ing past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you’re stom­ach’s gonna freeze!

–NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: Hon­est Truth

Chis Hansen Ap­pre­ci­ates What Keeps Him Em­ployed

Guy #1: There are grown men who get with, like, 12-year-old girls. It’s sick.
Guy #2: It’s not sick, it’s awe­some!

–39th & 7th

Head­line by: Chris

Run­ners-Up:
· “An­oth­er Un­der­cov­er Cop Pass­es the R Kel­ly ‘New Friend’ Test” — Bass­man­bish
· “Fe­tal At­trac­tion” — Jonathan
· “Hen­ry Re­grets Nam­ing His Daugh­ter Loli­ta” — Va­syl
· “In Prison, Greg Still Could­n’t Un­der­stand How the Sting Op­er­a­tion Worked.” — not im­pressed
· “Those Girls Are Con­sid­ered 16 in Chi­na…” — David M
· “Wel­come to Thai­land” — the Sex tour op­er­a­tor

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Be­cause a Sim­ple “Fuck Off” Just Is­n’t Very Classy

(very pret­ty girl wait­ing for the cross light to change)
Crazy old man: Yum, you sure are pret­ty.
(no re­sponse)
Crazy old man (ex­cit­ed now): Yum­my! I like them pret­ty ones.
(pret­ty girl hiss­es at him and walks away)
Tourist dad to lit­tle girl: See, dar­ling? That’s how you han­dle those sit­u­a­tions.

–Broad­way & Hous­ton