Archive for the ‘Pedophilia’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Un­cle Wal­ter

High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must to­tal­ly be a pe­dophile.

–Flat­bush & Dekalb, Brook­lyn

13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pe­dophile, he’s just very open with his sex­u­al­i­ty, and I like that.

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kel­ly

Les­bian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pret­ty. Re­al­ly pret­ty. And fif­teen. But then I heard them talk­ing and I re­al­ized they were French! So it’s fine. Fif­teen is le­gal there.

–36th St & Fifth Ave

Mid­dle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old wom­an’s body.

–Prem-On Thai

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

Guy who just got more beer: This is the hap­pi­est place on earth… Ex­cept for that kinder­garten I’m not al­lowed to go back to any­more.

–Mc­Sor­ley’s, 7th & 3rd

Over­heard by: I’ll drink to that!

Sev­en-year-old boy run­ning af­ter an­oth­er child: I’m a pe­dophile! I’m a pe­dophile! I’m a pe­dophile!

–Coney Is­land Board­walk

Over­heard by: that’swhathe­said

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Blood All Over Their Clown Suits

Biotech, in­dig­nant­ly: I did­n’t have sex when I was 13! I wait­ed ’til I was 14.

–Do­ma Cafe & Gallery, Per­ry St

Over­heard by: Kate

Hair­styl­ist, jok­ing with cus­tomer in chair: Yeah, I mean, pre­pu­bes­cent and an­drog­y­nous was so last sea­son. [Thinks for a mo­ment, then] Ac­tu­al­ly, it re­al­ly was.


Over­heard by: Sooo not last year

Hot chick shout­ing across in­ter­sec­tion to friend: … And stop sleep­ing with un­der­age boys!

–55th & Madi­son

Young fa­ther to twin tod­dler sons: That pi­geon might be a pe­dophile.

–Out­side Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: krit­ta