Frustrated hobo: What are you looking for?
Batty bag lady: A car!
Frustrated hobo: Well, what kind of car?
Batty bag lady: A car I can pee between!
–Eldridge & Broome
Overheard by: Nic
Archive for the ‘Pee’ Category
Yo Momma So Dumb, She Fail a Pregnancy Test
Girl #1: So I’m like 3 months late and I have no idea what to do about it.
Girl #2: Well, you have to take a pregnancy test!
Girl #1: No, those things are so hard!
Girl #2: How fucking hard can it be to pee on a stick?
Girl #1: Pretty fucking hard!
–Manhattan Beach
The Coolest Part Is, She Can Make It Smile.
Drunk girl on corner, to friend coming out of McDonald’s: Did you go pee?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald’s: Yep.
Drunk girl on corner: Vagina happy?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald’s: Vagina happy!
–Fulton St. & Gold St.
Overheard by: the fundamental question
You Go, Roscoe!
Lady: Excuse me, do you know where the bathrooms are?
Father with toddler: Nope, sorry.
Lady: I thought people with kids always knew where the bathrooms were.
Father with toddler: Nah, I just let him pee in the grass.
–Central Park
Worst. Infomercial. Ever.
Girl: I have to pee sooooo bad!
Mother: You just went to the bathroom ten minutes ago.
Girl: But I have to pee again! Can you put something in my vagina to hold it up?
–M104 Bus
Later in Life, Roy Could Only Piss on Command
Mother: Do you have to pee?
Little boy: No.
Mother: Yes, you must!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Another mother
Strangely, Our First Ever Quote to Include the Words “Pig Urine”
Old man: So where are you from?
Barber: Russia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of money there in Russia.
Barber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Russia are you from?
Barber: Uzbekistan.
Old man: Oh! So you’re from the boondocks? Your country would be like the boondocks to Russia.
Barber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you didn’t grow up on a farm?
Barber: No.
Old man: You didn’t have livestock?
Barber: Yes. We had pigs and chickens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells awful. And chickens are stupid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rainstorm.
Barber: Yes, chickens are stupid. I named them after my sisters.
–E 9th & Ave A
Yeah, My Giant Penis Piercing May Have Been a Mistake
Guy in crowd: Don’t touch me!
Friend: Dude, maybe you shouldn’t say that here.
Guy: No, I mean you–you’re the one who peed on your hands.
–All Points West Ferry Line
… And He Had the Smallest Penis We’d Ever Seen!
Pissing dude to couple walking: Hey! Hey! Don’t look! I am, in fact, urinating.
Friend: Yeah, sorry to ruin your night of flowers and romance, but at least you have a good story to tell your friends now.
–81st & Amsterdam
That’s What You Said Yesterday, and Now We’re Banned from the Chuckie Cheese Ball Pit
Little kid whispering: I don’t have to pee.
Dad: Shut up.
–Men’s room, MoMA
Overheard by: dues
