Archive for the ‘Pee’ Category

You Go, Roscoe!

La­dy: Ex­cuse me, do you know where the bath­rooms are?
Fa­ther with tod­dler: Nope, sor­ry.
La­dy: I thought peo­ple with kids al­ways knew where the bath­rooms were.
Fa­ther with tod­dler: Nah, I just let him pee in the grass.

–Cen­tral Park

Strange­ly, Our First Ever Quote to In­clude the Words “Pig Urine”

Old man: So where are you from?
Bar­ber: Rus­sia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of mon­ey there in Rus­sia.
Bar­ber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Rus­sia are you from?
Bar­ber: Uzbek­istan.
Old man: Oh! So you’re from the boon­docks? Your coun­try would be like the boon­docks to Rus­sia.
Bar­ber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you did­n’t grow up on a farm?
Bar­ber: No.
Old man: You did­n’t have live­stock?
Bar­ber: Yes. We had pigs and chick­ens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells aw­ful. And chick­ens are stu­pid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rain­storm.
Bar­ber: Yes, chick­ens are stu­pid. I named them af­ter my sis­ters.

–E 9th & Ave A

She Got Eight Vol­un­peers

Girl #1: Ew, you’re hold­ing on to the bar?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m hold­ing on to the bar. If I don’t I’ll fall over.
Girl #1: Ew. That is so gross. That’s like the one thing that gross­es me out more than any­thing.
Girl #2: It’s just a bar.
Girl #1: No, you don’t un­der­stand. I would rather have some­one pee on my face than touch that thing.

–N train