Girl: Don’t walk me behind me, I’m about to fart. –Times Square station Girl: God, it smells like an armpit farted in here. –Rififi, E. 11th Street Overheard by: Miso Guy on cell: Baby, baby, please, listen, I just, I’m almost there, c’mon, I’m comin’ up on your building now, baby, don’t be like that! Look out the window and you’ll see me! Shit, you can smell me, baby. –12th & D Fratboy: My shorts smell like a little boy’s balls. –Coney Island beach Overheard by: Alissa Woman: Just so you know, it smells like someone urinated in there. –Banana Republic, 16th & 5th Overheard by: beth wren
Frat boy: You know what I should get you for your birthday?
Frat boy: A funnel.
Girlfriend: A funnel?
Frat boy: Yeah, a funnel. So you can piss in a corner.
Girlfriend: I could also use it to funnel beer!
Frat boy: You'd have to wash it first. –Starbucks, Astor Place
Woman: If we don’t get where we are goin’ fast, I am going to goosh in my pants. –Bleecker & Charles Overheard by: Michael Kagan
Drunk guy: Did I puke on you?
Drunk girl (holding half-full pitcher and cup): You might have puked on me, but I peed and spilled beer on myself to rinse it off. –N Train Overheard by: Abbey C
Little girl screaming to mother from bathroom stall: Why do I have to flush every time? Oh, no, I’m stuck! –Indian restaurant Black man singing while peeing at urinal: Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? Oh, Lord, when can I go to heaven? [Finishes urinating abruptly.] Thank you, Lord Jesus. Hallelujah! –Staten Island Ferry Guy in stall: I’m an atheist! I’m an atheist! [He shits.] Thank you! Thank you, MLK, for giving me the power! –NYC Main Library Trendy girl in stall: The toilet’s trying to eat my ass! –Morimoto Overheard by: I’d say give a spit polish more than eat 50-ish lady on cell in stall: Hello? In the bathroom… I had to pee-pee, so I’m in the bathroom at Barney’s… Yeah, so the doctor said she might have cancer and she’d have to get a biopsy… Hold on while I wipe. –Barney’s Overheard by: Caryn
Girl #1: I'm gonna pee on you.
Girl #2: I peed on someone before.
Girl #3: Golden showers bring May flowers. –34th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: Robert Wood
Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell! –Bathroom, John Jay College Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless. –Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University Overheard by: Sydney Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich. –Club Warsaw, Williamsburg Overheard by: nickporjr Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me? –Office bathroom, 44th & Lex Overheard by: Tony Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans. –Cabana, Maritime Hotel Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck! –Bathroom, Fordham Law School Overheard by: Seriously concerned Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit! –Library Bathroom, Fordham University
Catholic girl #1: It’s a little more natural to have jizz in your mouth instead of pee.
Catholic girl #2: But the jizz has shit in it! –Bryant Park
Guy to date: Well, when it’s like when I’m on a roadtrip, even if I need to pee, I don’t, I force myself to keep it in, it’s like a control thing. Totally about power. [Date gets up to go to the bathroom.] Hurry back! I want to tell you more!
Date: Yeah, it’s really… Powerful. –Soup’N’Burger, Broadway & Astor Overheard by: rpk
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts! –53rd & Lexington Subway Station Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal! –14th & 3rd Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate. –Queens Center Food Court Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist. –Penn Station Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off. –15th St & 9th St Overheard by: Spicoli Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate? –R Train