20-something girl singing: Put your cock and balls in my mouth… La-la-la.
Boyfriend: What?
20-something girl: I just think it would be fun.
–66th & 3rd
Overheard by: I wish
Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category
That’s Deep, Dude
Cabbie: So, uh, you hear about the double team? The, uh, Democrats?
Passenger: Oh, so Democrats got the Senate, too?
Cabbie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch penis!
–Northbound 1st Ave from Delancey
Overheard by: dumbstruck passengers
Wednesday One-Liners Go for the Jugular
Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
–St. Mark’s
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt
You’ve Been Waiting for an Excuse to Use That One, Haven’t You?
NYU girl: I’m not surprised that she has mono. I mean, she’s been a slut for a while now. It was bound to catch up with her.
Friend: Yeah, she’s a reverse jukebox.
NYU girl: A what?
Friend: You know how you put money into a jukebox and it makes noise? Guys put their dicks in her to make her shut the fuck up.
–NYU Silver Center
It’s Like a Hug from the MTA
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors.
Ghetto guy: Yo, they be closing those closin’ doors on my dick!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: queenofscots
Wait– Do We Know How to Sew?
Pretty girl to friends: Oh, wait! They have a section for sewing supplies!
Friend: They have an actual sewing supply section here?
Pretty girl: Yeah, it’s as big as my dick, but they have one.
–Duane Reade
The Pleasure of Double Treyf?
Chick: Is marijuana vegan?
Father: It is unless you roll it in elephant hide. Or foreskin.
Mother: A joint rolled in foreskin would give you two pleasures at once!
–13th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Colin
How Do You Think I Got Into Vassar?
Guy to friend: Go suck a dick!
Friend: I already did!
–91st & Columbus
Clearly You Haven’t Seen Her Creepy Scrapbook
Tween girl #1: He had a boner. It was so gross.
Tween girl #2: How do you know he had a boner?
Tween girl #1: I’ve known him since first grade. He had a boner.
Tween guy: How does knowing him since first grade have anything to do with knowing that he had a boner?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Bryan
That’s the Least Successful Children’s Book Ever
Guy #1: The Great Cock Hunt? Isn’t that a Hunter S. Thompson novel?
Guy #2: No, you idiot. It’s a gay porn site. What kind of mo are you?
–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th
