Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

It’s Very Cute

Hip­ster girl: I haven’t seen any of your Face­book pic­tures, and I’ve been your friend for like a year!
Hip­ster boy: Re­al­ly? You should.
Hip­ster girl: I’m check­ing them right now.
Hip­ster boy: Let me warn you, though — there are a lot of pic­tures of my pe­nis on there.
Hip­ster girl: Oh, I’m used to that.

–Ap­ple Store, 5th Ave

That’s Deep, Dude

Cab­bie: So, uh, you hear about the dou­ble team? The, uh, De­moc­rats?
Pas­sen­ger: Oh, so De­moc­rats got the Sen­ate, too?
Cab­bie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch pe­nis!

–North­bound 1st Ave from De­lancey

Over­heard by: dumb­struck pas­sen­gers

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt