Hipster girl #1: So basically he put his penis in your vagina, but you’re too nervous to go on a date with him?
Hipster girl #2: Yep.
Hipster girl #1: Girl, you’re fucked in the head.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category
Technically Speaking, Anything Over Seven Inches Cannot Legally Be Referred to as a ‘Wiener’
Drunk black guy, to white couple: She don’t want your small white cock! She wants a big black cock, nine and a half inches!
White girl: Ewww! I hate black wiener.
–Hall & Myrtle, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Luigi
A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry anything. I don’t even fry my food anymore.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny
Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: What a waste!
Preppy guy: At least *I’m* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don’t know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.
–John St
Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?
–Times Square
Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Catie
Backdoor Wednesday One-liners
Drunk: If God didn’t want us to be gay, He wouldn’t have put our g‑spot all the way up our ass!
–3rd Ave. between 11th & 12th
Overheard by: Zack
Fratboy: So if I tell her I wanna put my tongue up her ass, you think she’ll relate to me?
–1st Ave. & 10th St.
Overheard by: Sarah T.
Fiancee: OK, fine. You can have strippers at your bachelor party. But if I hear you stuck your dick in some nasty hooker’s ass, I’m never sucking it again.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
Woman: Yeah, whatever, Mr. Doesn’t-Know-What-a-Suppository-Is!
–The Angelica, Houston Street
Goombah: Nah, nah, nah…I’d suck a guy’s dick balls deep, but I would never eat a man’s ass. That’s just gay.
–Williamsburg
Wednesday One-Liners Did Coke in the ’80s
Young lady yuppie on cell: It is a perfectly normal fear to be afraid of bubbles!
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: KS
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sarah
Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’
–Rector St
Yuppie: Let’s go find my ex-fiance and beat her up.
–46th & 8th
…Right Here in My Purse.
Guy #1: Full disclosure: I’ve got a penis.
Guy #2: Oh… No worries, so do I.
–Launch Party of Transgendered Female-to-Male Magazine (Original Plumbing)
Poo Poo Platter
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot.
–W Train
NewsFlash: Paris and Nicole’s Friendship Is Back On
Girl #1: If I was wearing a bikini right now, that’d be hot.
Girl #2: If I had a penis in me right now, that’d be hotter.
–Roseland Ballroom
Overheard by: gunstunna
It Says to Use Your Mouth, But Isn’t That Against God?
Cashier #1, holding black deflated balloon-thing: Dis thing don’t work, I been blowin’ it, but it don’t blow.
Cashier #2: It ain’t blow? You try to poke it? Wha’ happen when you pokin it ?
Cashier #1: I just been tryin’ to stick it in, and it ain’t work.
–Duane Ready
Overheard by: I Love Duane Reed
Or Donate It to Toys for Tots.
Girl #1: You said you wanted to castrate him…
Girl #2, interrupting: And force-feed him his own dick. Yeah. I?m beyond that point now. I still want to castrate him, but I?ll just throw it away.
–Columbia University
