Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category

A Smor­gash­board Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry any­thing. I don’t even fry my food any­more.

–47th & 6th

Over­heard by: A very dis­turbed News­bun­ny

Old Jew­ish woman to hus­band hold­ing restau­rant left­overs: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Is­rael!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: What a waste!

Prep­py guy: At least *I’m* not the one mo­lest­ing fic­tion­al ce­re­al pitch­men.

–Park Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

Girl on cell, talk­ing loud­ly: I don’t know what I want, but what­ev­er I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Prep­py girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Fe­male new stu­dent to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole bur­ri­to-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Catie

Back­door Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Drunk: If God did­n’t want us to be gay, He would­n’t have put our g‑spot all the way up our ass!

–3rd Ave. be­tween 11th & 12th

Over­heard by: Za­ck

Frat­boy: So if I tell her I wan­na put my tongue up her ass, you think she’ll re­late to me?

–1st Ave. & 10th St.

Over­heard by: Sarah T.

Fi­ancee: OK, fine. You can have strip­pers at your bach­e­lor par­ty. But if I hear you stuck your dick in some nasty hook­er’s ass, I’m nev­er suck­ing it again.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Mad William Flint

Woman: Yeah, what­ev­er, Mr. Does­n’t-Know-What-a-Sup­pos­i­to­ry-Is!

–The An­gel­i­ca, Hous­ton Street

Goom­bah: Nah, nah, nah…I’d suck a guy’s dick balls deep, but I would nev­er eat a man’s ass. That’s just gay.

–Williams­burg

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Did Coke in the ’80s

Young la­dy yup­pie on cell: It is a per­fect­ly nor­mal fear to be afraid of bub­bles!

–83rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: KS

Yup­pie chick hold­ing hands with yup­pie boyfriend: Pe­nis, pe­nis, pe­nis, pe­nis.

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: sarah

Yup­pie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the sto­ry of ‘If you give a mouse a fuck­ing cook­ie, I mean, even­tu­al­ly he’ll want to climb in­to bed with you and have you read him a fuck­ing bed­time sto­ry.’

–Rec­tor St

Yup­pie: Let’s go find my ex-fi­ance and beat her up.

–46th & 8th