Archive for the ‘Philosophy’ Category

One Life to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Five-year-old boy to fa­ther: Is this an im­por­tant life les­son?

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ig­nor­ing him: Hey, let’s go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here of­ten?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: ser­e­na

Woman, throw­ing Mc­Nuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: El­liot

Fran­tic crazy guy: I’m gonna go have a seat in Star­bucks and get my life to­geth­er!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Over­heard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that’s life, you screw peo­ple over and then you go to the Ba­hamas.

–Train in­to Penn Sta­tion

Griz­zlies: ‘No, Re­al­ly, We’re Good, Could­n’t Eat An­oth­er Bite, Thanks!’

Old­er woman: When I die, I’m go­ing to be fed to the griz­zlies.
Younger woman: What?
Old­er woman: I want my hands and feet cre­mat­ed and put in­to St John’s Cathe­dral, and the rest of me I want made in­to steaks and fed to an en­dan­gered species. It’s not enough any­more to just give them mon­ey. You have to give them part of your­self.

–South End Ave

Over­heard by: lino & wy­ja

The Pit­ter-Pat­ter of Tiny Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just go­ing to stay home and make ba­bies.

–1 Train

Col­lege pro­fes­sor: Every­thing that is wrong in this world can be traced back to ba­bies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Just Try­ing to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m go­ing to have to can­cel for a few dif­fer­ent rea­sons. First, the ba­by has­n’t got­ten all her shots. And more im­por­tant­ly, there’s some­thing peck­ing through my wall! I’m re­al­ly freaked out!

–Bleeck­er and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, af­ter watch­ing the el­dest push the mid­dle to the ground: What are you push­ing him down for? Are you try­ing to up­set my stom­ach so I lose this ba­by in­side me?

–St Marks Place, Stat­en Is­land

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have ba­bies so much, why don’t she just be a … doc­tor!

–52nd & 7th

Pro­fes­sor: 42-year-old ba­bies don’t have bones.

–Sch­enec­tady Coun­ty Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Hap­py Birth­day, Mithras!

Red State Girl: Is that a ham­mer in your bag?
Deal­er: Yeah. It’s a metaphor. ‘Cause Je­sus was a car­pen­ter, see. And I walk with Je­sus.
Red State Girl: Oh.

–29th Street & 7th Ave.

Over­heard by: M. Mar­tin

Why NY is not Min­neapo­lis

Mid­dle-aged man at the Min­neapo­lis air­port: “When Min­neso­ta first got the lot­to, they had the scratch-off lot­tery cards. I wait­ed on line in a cor­ner store, and the clerk asked me if I want­ed to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lot­tery.’ The per­son be­hind me, as I was leav­ing, bought a tick­et and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a tick­et!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I did­n’t. Be­cause I don’t play the lot­tery.’ ”

Splen­da’s Ac­tu­al­ly Sug­ar with Aug­ment­ed Breasts and No Pubes

Chick #1: I al­ways use Equal.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: Well, I like to think of Equal as the wom­en’s lib of sweet­en­er.
Chick #2: So… What does that make Sweet­’N Low? The pre-lib? Fem­i­nine mys­tique?
Chick #1: Yeah… Just look at it — pink and pret­ty, sweet, and bowed low. C’­mon. It’s like, ‘Hey, ladies, be sweet and pink for your man — use Sweet­’N Low and stay in shape and he’ll love you more!’ Then there’s Equal — it’s blue, it’s bold, it de­mands at­ten­tion. It says, ‘Yeah, we’re an ar­ti­fi­cial sweet­en­er, mar­ket­ed to­wards women, but we’re equal!‘
Chick #2: Um… Okay, so what does that make Splen­da?
Chick #1: I guess post-lib fem­i­nism?
Chick #2: Uh, I don’t even know what that is…
Chick #1: Well, see, Splen­da’s in court now be­cause ap­par­ent­ly nei­ther does any­one else.
Chick #2: Wow… The his­to­ry of fem­i­nism, as in­ter­pret­ed by Deb­o­rah, through ar­ti­fi­cial sweet­en­er… I don’t think I was ready for that at eight in the morn­ing on a Thurs­day.
Chick #1: Yeah… But that was the on­ly time it was gonna hap­pen.

–71st & West End

Over­heard by: Pe­dro