Woman #1: I heard your son started going to my son’s doctor.
Woman #2: Yeah, he has a great bedside manner… And he has a handlebar mustache, too, haha.
Woman #1: Yeah, so does my gyno.
–29th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jeffrey G.
Archive for the ‘Physical appearance’ Category
Wednesday Accidentally Leaves a Sponge in the One-Liner
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
Ever Since I Accidentally Tripped Over Them
Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There's four of them. And they're all beautiful. It's so not fair. I'm weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can't believe you remember that.
–Downtown 1 Train
Isn’t That Sweet?
[Skinny girl takes box of equal out of her pocket and puts half the packages in her coffee.]Friend: What are you doing? You’re going to get cancer!
Equal girl: Yeah, but I won’t get fat.
–Starbucks
Wednesday One-Liners for Vanessa Hudgens
Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why'd I wake up naked?
–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Swimfan
Girl: Oh my god! I can't wait to see them naked!
–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center
Overheard by: Natalie
Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.
–Museum of Art and Design
Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I'm wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn't mean I'm going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I've done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.
–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator
Overheard by: Martin
Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don't even know why I'm here, I just want to take off my clothes!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Lilo
Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on.
–A Train
Overheard by: Don't even wanna know
Girl on cell: So I'm gonna be naked, but that's okay, I'll be wearing rollerblades.
–N 4th & Bedford Ave
The Only Thing That Could Make Rent Bearable.
Renthead #1: He wasn't *that* bad as Roger.
Renthead #2: Weren't you drunk last time you saw him?
Renthead #1: Yeah. That's probably why. When I'm drunk I'm more like “Oh, his hair's shiny,” rather than “Wow, he has no emotion.”
Renthead #2: His hair is shiny. (pause) Next time he's on as Roger, let's get drunk.
–Nederlander Theatre
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!
–Church & Chambers
Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.
–Central Park, Great Lawn
Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?
–Prince St Cafe
Overheard by: It DID
Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.
–Harlem Polling Station
Overheard by: Joe
Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?
Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.
–113th St
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
“Revapidizing,” He Calls It
Young woman: Do you see this line on my face?
Friend: What line?
Young woman: This line. I must have got it from my internship. (pause) I think it's from… thinking. But I called my plastic surgeon, and he's totally gonna fix it.
–Columbia University
But I Didn't Even Get to Describe the Size and Texture
College guy #1: I've been working hard to lose weight this year.
College guy #2: I can certainly see the change in your face.
College guy #1: Yeah, I've been crapping a lot lately.
(college guy #2 is silent)
College guy #1: I mean I've been dumping a whole lot.
College guy #2: Okay, that's enough.
–Gym, Columbia University
Okay, but a Burlap Sack and Shower Cap?
Chick: Does she think that looks hot?
Friend: She’s ten.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jax