Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Pickiness’ Category

… When It Comes to Peri­stal­sis

Man sun­bather: He’s like 6′6″, very at­trac­tive…
Woman sun­bather: So does he, like, spon­ta­neous­ly vom­it…?
Man sun­bather: Let’s just say he’s not the smoothest…

–Tur­tle Pond, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Not jump­ing to date this at­trac­tive man.

Great for En­tic­ing Men with Lit­tle Deb­bie Com­plex­es

As­pir­ing ac­tress: I hope I get the part! That di­rec­tor was so hot! I could to­tal­ly sleep with him!
Friend: He’s your dad’s age.
As­pir­ing ac­tress: No! He’s 41. My dad’s 43.
Friend: You’re 20.
As­pir­ing ac­tress: Yeah. That’s sort of sick. I have to stop lik­ing old­er guys. What can I say? I’m just look­ing for a more ma­ture man! Hey, I got this new mois­tur­iz­er that smells like cook­ies, and it’s spark­ly! Smell my leg!

–2 train, be­tween 42nd & 72nd

If New York­ers Ran Dis­ney, We’d Have Clas­sic Films Like Beau­ty and the Bes­tial­i­ty

White girl: … And then he took my cam­era and held it for me dur­ing the rest of the cer­e­mo­ny. He’s so sweet…
In­di­an friend: Okay, se­ri­ous­ly? That’s not ro­man­tic, that’s pock­ets!
White girl: I guess he–
In­di­an friend, in­ter­rupt­ing: –We’re so messed up. We think it’s ro­man­tic when peo­ple give up their seats for us on the sub­way. I mean, any­thing Dis­ney did to give us un­re­al­is­tic ex­pec­ta­tions New York kicked right out of us.

–F train

Greet­ings from the Freak Bor­ough

JAP on cell: Yeah, he’s cute, but he’s from Stat­en Island!…Ever see that show on MTV, True Life: I’m Get­ting Mar­ried? Yeah, that guy was such trash, and every­one out there is like that!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca Dash

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Cross Species Bound­aries

Man, to old woman pour­ing paint thin­ner in­to the sew­er: You know, you’ll kill the al­li­ga­tors like that.

–39th & Lex

Metho­d­one lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the al­li­ga­tors on you!”

–White­hall Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: Steven Low­ell

Tourist, kneel­ing in front of a gi­ant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the sil­ver mon­key?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their ass­es were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chi­huahua’s.

–19th & 6th

Over­heard by: CocteauBoy

5‑Year-Old boy, pass­ing the smelly horse car­riages on Cen­tral Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?

–59th be­tween Broad­way & 7th

Over­heard by: Carmiya Wein­raub

Old man, pass­ing bear sculp­ture: Bears eat too much.

–Amer­i­can Wing Cafe, the Met

Over­heard by: guin­gel

MTA hard­hat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have ei­ther the rat on a stick or the pi­geon on a stick.

–Bleeck­er & Lafayette

Over­heard by: Brew­ster

Guy on cell: I just saw a pi­geon, and it re­mind­ed me of you.

–Hous­ton & Bow­ery

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Com­muter: Oh, I’ve al­ways been in­to man­a­tees.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Jon

Woman, to child: That’s why imag­i­na­tion is re­al­ly nice. You can imag­ine that cat you have al­ways want­ed, and it’s al­most like hav­ing him for real…even though you nev­er will.

–53rd & Broad­way

An­i­mal lover: I nev­er used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Bus rid­er: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.

–Q101 bus

Over­heard by: Kaleena

Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a don­key, not two don­keys! Je­sus.

–14th St 1 sta­tion

Non-Ghet­to woman on cell: That’s nig­ga’s cra­zier than a road lizard!

–59th & 7th

Picky girl: You won’t be­lieve the pick up line he used. He ac­tu­al­ly said, “I want to be your beast.”

–The Strand, Broad­way

Over­heard by: Miss Park­er