Young college guy: Tell me about your friend. Is she hot?
Girl: She sings sea shanties and goes to Brown.
Young college guy: I’ll marry her.
–La Mama, ETC
Overheard by: sagacious man
Archive for the ‘Pickiness’ Category
… When It Comes to Peristalsis
Man sunbather: He’s like 6′6″, very attractive…
Woman sunbather: So does he, like, spontaneously vomit…?
Man sunbather: Let’s just say he’s not the smoothest…
–Turtle Pond, Central Park
Overheard by: Not jumping to date this attractive man.
Great for Enticing Men with Little Debbie Complexes
Aspiring actress: I hope I get the part! That director was so hot! I could totally sleep with him!
Friend: He’s your dad’s age.
Aspiring actress: No! He’s 41. My dad’s 43.
Friend: You’re 20.
Aspiring actress: Yeah. That’s sort of sick. I have to stop liking older guys. What can I say? I’m just looking for a more mature man! Hey, I got this new moisturizer that smells like cookies, and it’s sparkly! Smell my leg!
–2 train, between 42nd & 72nd
If New Yorkers Ran Disney, We’d Have Classic Films Like Beauty and the Bestiality
White girl: … And then he took my camera and held it for me during the rest of the ceremony. He’s so sweet…
Indian friend: Okay, seriously? That’s not romantic, that’s pockets!
White girl: I guess he–
Indian friend, interrupting: –We’re so messed up. We think it’s romantic when people give up their seats for us on the subway. I mean, anything Disney did to give us unrealistic expectations New York kicked right out of us.
–F train
Much Funnier That Way, We Think
Man: I don’t like women. I like little boys.
Lady: Um, that’s the only line of that conversation I heard…
–McSorley’s
Deleted Scenes for the DVD
Drunk guy: King Kong ain’t got nothing on God almighty!
Sober girl: Stop touching me, you dirty old man.
Drunk guy: I ain’t touching you, woman.
Sober girl: I don’t do trash.
Drunk guy: That’s why I wanchu.
–Q train
Overheard by: Ted Danger, esq.
Greetings from the Freak Borough
JAP on cell: Yeah, he’s cute, but he’s from Staten Island!…Ever see that show on MTV, True Life: I’m Getting Married? Yeah, that guy was such trash, and everyone out there is like that!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5‑Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Male Psychology but Were Afraid to Ask
Crying hot chick: I don’t understand why you spent half the night telling me all the reasons you can’t be with me and then wanted to have sex with me anyway!
Douchebag: Uh, you were pretty… And naked.
–Houston & Allen
What’s Your P‑p-point?
Woman #1: That bad, huh?
Woman #2: And he stutters. I just want to smack him over the head. Spit it out!
–Bensonhurst
