Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category

Tonight’s Movie: It’s Com­pli­cat­ed

Guy: We’re not friends on Face­book.
Girl: But how do you see my pic­tures?
Guy: Well, there’s some of your pho­tos that are pri­vate, and oth­ers that are pub­lic. When I go to your page, which is of­ten, I can just search through those, or go to your friends’ pages. A lot of them don’t have pri­vate pic­tures.

–Star­bucks, Union Square

Over­heard by: Randy

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Vanes­sa Hud­gens

Girl on phone: Well then, rid­dle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sack­ett, Cob­ble Hill

Over­heard by: Swim­fan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–El­e­va­tor, Times Square Arts Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Mu­se­um work­er: And then I woke up buck naked in a ho­tel, and there were pic­tures of me all over the room.

–Mu­se­um of Art and De­sign

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just be­cause I’m wear­ing noth­ing un­der my jack­et, does­n’t mean I’m go­ing to flash a crowd of peo­ple in every store we en­ter. I’ve done it three times al­ready. Get your rocks off some oth­er way.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle Mall Es­ca­la­tor

Over­heard by: Mar­tin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I did­n’t rec­og­nize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Don’t even wan­na know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wear­ing rollerblades.

–N 4th & Bed­ford Ave

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Is­land?

French tourist, af­ter dis­cussing Amer­i­ca’s faults in the world, to Amer­i­can man: Can you take a pic­ture of us with the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty in the back­ground?
Amer­i­can man: Ain’t she a beau­ti­ful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
Amer­i­can man: Well, she’s French. Wel­come to Amer­i­ca.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Then By the Pow­er Vest­ed in Me, I Now Pro­nounce Us Hus­band and Wife

Flir­ta­tious girl, about pho­to in fash­ion mag­a­zine: Do you think she’s hot?
Em­bar­rassed boy: She’s quite at­trac­tive.
Flir­ta­tious girl: Do you like her tits?
Em­bar­rassed boy: Turn the page, please.
Flir­ta­tious girl: Would you bang her?
Em­bar­rassed boy: I would.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

What What (In the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers)

Drunk-look­ing girl on cell: … And I just re­ceived a post­card of butts! Things are look­ing up!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

An­gry soc­cer mom: Who­ev­er has his or her hand on my ass, you bet­ter be one of my kids.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass stri­a­tions?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Col­lege girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Need­less to say, my ass cleared every sur­face he had in that room. Twice.

–Down­town B Train

Over­heard by: Po­la

Tall guy on cell: Lis­ten, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you got­ta do is pull out a cam­era. They drop their panties in a sec­ond, at least that’s what I tell the com­mit­tee.

–Star­bucks, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Con­duc­tor over loud­speak­er: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ ma­ma’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Over­heard by: Tina K

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bet­ter Not End Up on the In­ter­net

30-some­thing on cell: Mom, he came over and took a pic­ture of my toi­let!

–Spring & Greene

20-some­thing chick: First of all, who pos­es bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart park­ing lot? Sec­ond­ly, who bleach­es their ass­hole? Third, who takes a pic­ture of it and e‑mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, be­tween Broad­way & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: La­dle

Queer: He pho­tographs re­al­ly poor­ly. That’s a big prob­lem for me…

–Star­bucks, Wash­ing­ton Square

Over­heard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just be­cause I work with her does­n’t mean I have to look at pho­tos of her pla­cen­ta.

–34th & 3rd

Over­heard by: X. L. Per­cy