Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)

Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ladle

Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.

–Staten Island Ferry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: Pola

Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Overheard by: Tina K

Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Hasn't That Exhibit Been Done?

Cute girl to drunk friend sitting provocatively with a miniskirt on: Sit up, Beth, your coochie's hangin' out.
Drunk friend: I can't get up. (yelling) Does anyone on this train have a problem with my vagina hanging out?
(train is silent)
Drunk friend: See? No one cares. Vaginas are like modern art these days.
Cute girl: I guess.
Drunk friend: You could take a picture of my snatch right now, frame it, make it look like Warhol, and it would sell in the MoMA for five thousand bucks. Hell, I should be charging admission fees right now. Anyone who comes to see my snatch exhibit and doesn't buy a copy is a misogynist.

–A Train

Young Urban Professional Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.

–14th & 8th

Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!

–St. Mark's Place

Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…

–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill

Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!

–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave

A Wednesday One-Liner Is Worth a Thousand Words

Cheerful lady taking photos: Smile! Say, ‘Shit’!

–20th & Park

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Chick with camera: I am gonna Flickr the fuck out of you!

–Burp Castle, 7th & 2nd

Overheard by: Still dazzled by the flash

Hippie chick: Yeah, I put up a picture of her on my site — the one of her on the couch. It was the only picture where she didn’t have two dicks in her.

–Thai restaurant, Park Slope

Angry man, about his ex: I was looking at her picture and got mad right away. You know instant oatmeal? I was instant angry.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: KristenH

Man with accent, into pay phone: I have the pictures! With the girl, yes! … Vagina in them! Yes!

–W 4th St