Little kid: Mommy…Mommmmmyyyyyy! I have got to poop!
Mom: Would you please just crap in your pants and quit screaming about it already!
–9th between 1st & A
Overheard by: Katie
Archive for the ‘Places’ Category
Charlie and the Cigarette Factory
Suit #1: You know what movie they’re filming over there?
Suit #2: I think it’s a snuff film.
–Maiden & Water
Overheard by: Angry Oscillations
Wednesday One-Liners Ride a Vespa
Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.
–Trader Joe’s
Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!
–Lobby, the Met
Overheard by: Shayna
Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!
–W 4th & Christopher St
Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..
Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?
–St. Mark’s Pl
Many of Us Are Even at Jim’s Level
Yuppie mom #1: Can you believe that there are people living in this city who make under two hundred thousand dollars?
Yuppie mom #2: Really?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, I’d never do that. I wouldn’t want to live like a Huckleberry Finn.
The conversation then got too low for me to hear after they saw I was eavesdropping and giving them the evil eye.
–Riverside Park
Oh, Dad! We Have Pills For That Now
Girl: So I’m finally going to tell that guy that I like him.
Father: What guy?
Girl: That really hot dude that took me to the prom.
Father: Oh, ok, good.
Girl: But it’s going to be really weird cuz this guy could have any woman he wants.
Father: Just hit him over the head, drag him in the house and don’t let him leave.
–A train
Overheard by: cave man style
It’s a Down Payment Toward Freeing Those Pesky Alien Ghosts
A tourist stops in front of the Free Stress Test table.
Tourist lady: How much for the stress test?
Scientologist guy: 8 bucks.
–Times Square station
If You Don’t Get It, Ask an Appeaser
Professor lady: What is your favorite fruit?
Girl #1: J’aime manger les pommes.
Girl #2: Isn’t the rule if it grows underground it’s a vegetable?
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
–NYU
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
–Washington Heights
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
It’s Her Ex
Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.
–East Village
“…This mayonnaise sure tastes funny!”
Girl: What are you eating?
Guy: I don’t know, I was just like, “Put whatever you want on bread.”
–Columbia University
Overheard by: helena vozhd