Archive for the ‘Plastic Surgery’ Category

But If Any­one Asks, I Called Jen­ny

Suit #1: So I’d been work­ing out for two hours a day, al­most dai­ly, for a few months.
Suit #2: How was that?
Suit #1: Well I was­n’t los­ing any weight, so then I re­mem­bered… I’m re­al­ly rich, I could just get lipo.

–Nas­sau & Wall St.

Over­heard by: slave for the man

Drunk, Or Still Emerg­ing from the Anes­the­sia?

Con­duc­tor: May I see your tick­et, please?
Drunk tran­ny: I al­ready showed my tick­et.
Con­duc­tor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tran­ny: What the fuck? I al­ready showed my damn tick­et.
Con­duc­tor: OK, calm down. Just show me your tick­et, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tran­ny: You are prob­a­bly a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the dis­re­spect I get. I am fuck­ing chang­ing cars.

–Long Beach bound LIRR

Beau­ty is On­ly Deep Skin

Woman, 50s: “You look so rest­ed, so re­freshed. Have you lost weight?” That’s what you want them to say. Not, “you look like you’ve had 3 inch­es of skin on your face tight­ened.”
Friend, 50s: Did you go back to work right af­ter?
Woman, 50s: Not right af­ter. Be­cause of the bruis­ing. But it’s New York. I could have 2 heads and no one would no­tice.

–Ol­lie’s, UWS

Over­heard by: TG

Meet the Peo­ple in Charge Of Pro­gram­ming for Fox

Hobo #1: Yes­ter­day was about em­bar­rass­ing ques­tions, like “what is a fart?”, or “what is a belch?” Or “why does my pussy stink?” Or “what is plas­tic surgery?” And they show por­tions of plas­tic surgery. And it’s a pro­gram that I re­al­ly con­nect­ed to… It has the high­est rat­ings. I’m up at six o’­clock, walk­ing my cats, wak­ing my ass up.
Hobo #2: Yeah, I watch that show too…
Hobo #1 in­ter­rupt­ing: No, that’s not the same that some act­ing tv dra­mas. This ’bout re­al shit, it’s about re­al ques­tions and re­al an­swers. Most peo­ple don’t even know what their bod­ies look like. But they got psy­chol­o­gists, they got sur­geons…

–Down­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: typ­ing it all in­to my black­ber­ry as fast as I could

Scalpel.…Scissors.…Wednesday One-Lin­ers…

Big black cross­dress­er: Oh hon­ey, I know that no amount of surgery is go­ing to make me a di­va!

–3 Train

Over­heard by: Kailee McMa­hon

Moth­er to small daugh­ter: Hon­ey, don’t for­get to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Hon­ey, you aren’t get­ting ready to per­form surgery. Hur­ry up.

–Wom­en’s Bath­room, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat sur­gi­cal­ly re­moved.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Kevin

In­tern: La­tex gloves are for killing peo­ple, surgery and dy­ing your hair.

–1501 Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ran­di

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this week­end. He’s been fixed! Oh, but don’t tell any­one, he does­n’t want any­body to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teach­ing go? How was the surgery? Did hu­man skin taste good?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: The Poog­tas­tic One

That’s Just Your Con­science Dy­ing

In­genue: She looks good for her age.
Jad­ed old­er woman: Botox and lifts.
In­genue: At least her hair is nat­ur­al.
Jad­ed old­er woman: You kid­ding? She dyes every week.
In­genue: Her teeth.
Jad­ed old­er woman: Please.
In­genue: Why do I feel guilty just talk­ing to you?

–Front & Wall Streets

Over­heard by: Feel­ing Guilty for Just Lis­ten­ing

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers with Botched Cos­met­ic Surgery

La­dy suit: What are you gonna do about it? What are you go­ing to do about the post-mod­ernism on my fore­head?

–Star­bucks, The Vil­liage

Girl on cell: No, no… I don’t think you un­der­stand — my hips are two dif­fer­ent sizes! You don’t know what this is go­ing to do to my self-es­teem.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: i should have gone to har­vard

Chick on cell: … Yes, it’s com­ing out of my ab­domen…

–Wash­ing­ton Square South

Over­heard by: Tyler

Wifey to hub­by, look­ing at stat­ue: They got the knees just right! You know how I’ve been look­ing at my knees a lot?

–The Met

Over­heard by: sweetchuck

Skin­ny tween bori­qua: Yo, I’m gonna take all the fat from my stom­ach and put it on my ass.

–231st & Broad­way

Over­heard by: KK

Hot chick: Well, you don’t have arm tes­ti­cles.

–East Hous­ton St, near BH­SEC

MTA la­dy to an­oth­er: She got a lot o’ heart for a pussy!

–4/5/6 train un­der­pass, 59th St