Archive for the ‘Players’ Category

Blame the Daw­son’s Creek Song

Suit: My friends told me that you told them that I’d hi­jacked you. We’ve on­ly dat­ed for a week. For so many rea­sons it’s not go­ing to work out.
Girl: I don’t un­der­stand how some­one can just say it’s not go­ing to work out. You know every­thing about me: my fam­i­ly, my life, all about me. I shared every­thing this week. I would have held back if I’d known.
Suit: …It’s like I have stick­er shock…You are just a much more fun, en­gaged per­son than me.
Girl: I don’t un­der­stand some­one who can just say it’s not go­ing to work out. How can you just say it’s not go­ing to work out?
Suit: Can’t we be friends? That’s why I asked you to meet me here.
Girl: Well, at least we slept to­geth­er this week. I nev­er wait. I’m so glad we did­n’t wait.

–Esashi, Av­enue A

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Did Chop Down That Cher­ry Tree

Well dressed par­ty-go­er: No, like, I went to Prince­ton ‑we lied all the time.


Over­heard by: Cuny Grad­u­ate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I got­ta go. My mom’s call­ing. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pock­et.]

–Wag­n­er Col­lege, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Squig­gs

Woman on cell: I just don’t un­der­stand why he got so freaked out about it. I said “I love you” ‑big fuck­ing deal. That does­n’t mean any­thing. I could have been ly­ing. I was ly­ing, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clin­ton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been mar­ried for 28 years and she won’t ad­mit to it. Liar. Afraid of in­te­gra­tion, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, hon­ey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the oth­er line.] Hey bud­dy! How’s it go­ing!

–125th St. Sub­way plat­form

Over­heard by: EthanK

Twen­tysome­thing play­er on cell, pick­ing fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to For­est Hills to get my hair­cut.

–N Train

Over­heard by: john

Guy on cell: Most peo­ple lie to get out of ju­ry du­ty and here I am be­ing hon­est about NAM­BLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Over­heard by: melis­sa

She’s the Cob, and They’re the Corn­hold­ers

Girl: There’s a Du­ane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Du­ane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wear­ing con­doms.

–84th & Broad­way

Suit #1: But what hap­pens if our cocks ac­ci­den­tal­ly touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it.

–52nd & Lex­ing­ton

I Need Com­pas­sion and an Al­i­bi

Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I did­n’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She did­n’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you did­n’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you did­n’t ask for some iden­ti­fi­ca­tion?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl in­to bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Be­cause 39 is clear­ly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man…

–52nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: So <i>not</i> 14!