Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get Schooled

Pro­fes­sor: So what do we know about these debt notes?” (si­lence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that ob­vi­ous­ly you don’t know?

–NYU Law School

Over­heard by: Ames

Pro­fes­sor: My fa­vorite words to hear are “just do noth­ing.” My sec­ond fa­vorites are “open bar.”

–Col­lege of Mount Saint Vin­cent, Bronx

En­vi­ron­men­tal his­to­ry pro­fes­sor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a ho­tel of Chica­go Thanks­giv­ing din­ner from 1872: loin of buf­fa­lo, an­te­lope steak in mush­room sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of moun­tain sheep, buf­fa­lo tongue… Miss Palin, your ta­ble is ready.

–Class­room, Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Mar­tin Van Nos­trand

Lin­guis­tics pro­fes­sor, about Span­ish-speak­ing fam­i­lies who live in Span­ish-speak­ing neigh­bor­hoods: The on­ly Eng­lish these peo­ple hear is from their land­lords and so­cial work­ers.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lat­ka Hero

NYU pro­fes­sor: So we’re go­ing to be walk­ing, and you’ll no­tice I walk pret­ty fast. But we’re in New York, and you’re sup­posed to walk like you know ex­act­ly where you’re go­ing in life and noth­ing is in your way. Be­cause if you slow down you’ll get mugged. (beat) It’s dog eat dog, peo­ple.

–NYU Class­room

Russ­ian lit­er­a­ture pro­fes­sor: Oh my god, you just to­tal­ly missed the point of Je­sus!

–NYU Class­room

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Cele­bre­tards

Young black guy to an­oth­er: You know, Oba­ma is to pol­i­tics what Richard Sim­mons is to ex­er­cise.

–PATH Train

Guy stand­ing out­side bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Cole­man?” and I’m like, “No, not like fuck­ing Gary Cole­man!”

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green on­ly had one tes­ti­cle. It’s to­tal­ly fine.

–E 11th St

Over­heard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabr­era”!

–Bed­ford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Bor­ders, Wall St

Over­heard by: step

Guy (af­ter tak­ing pic­ture with Je­re­my Piv­en): Damn! I can’t put this on My­Space. I’m wear­ing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Out­side Bar­ry­more The­atre

Over­heard by: Pasta…Salad

Maybe That Worked on Your Mor­mon Girl­friend

Skin­ny white guy: I’m like, re­al­ly ex­cit­ed for that Is­rael pa­rade. Like, I think it will be a re­al­ly nice ex­pe­ri­ence for me.
Jew­ish girl: Mmh­mm.
Skin­ny white guy: No, I’m se­ri­ous. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just say­ing it to get in­to your pants.

–Penn Sta­tion

That’s Deep, Dude

Cab­bie: So, uh, you hear about the dou­ble team? The, uh, De­moc­rats?
Pas­sen­ger: Oh, so De­moc­rats got the Sen­ate, too?
Cab­bie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch pe­nis!

–North­bound 1st Ave from De­lancey

Over­heard by: dumb­struck pas­sen­gers

That Was Ac­tu­al­ly His Cam­paign Slo­gan

An­tho­ny Wein­er and what ap­pears to be 3 of his staff get out of a black Chevy Im­pala with tints and a spoil­er.

Stoned kid #1: Dude it’s An­tho­ny Wein­er.
Stoned kid #2: Who?
Stoned kid #1: An­tho­ny Weiner…the Con­gress­man. He lives right there.

Stoned kid #2 looks back

Stoned kid #2: Hey Wein­er! You’re a Wein­er!

–As­can Ave & Burns St, For­est Hills

Over­heard by: Pe­ter Sip­sas

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Spend Most of Their Time Fundrais­ing

Man to guy try­ing to avoid him: Be­cause, you see — all Re­pub­li­cans are Nazis. I don’t know why no one else can tell.

–67th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: kendra

Thug to an­oth­er: Damn, nig­ga! That’s why the De­moc­rats ain’t go­ing to win the moth­er­fuckin’ White House in 2008!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: guy who’s not sure if it’s racist or not

Right­eous girl: I am glad I slept with him be­fore I found out he was a Re­pub­li­can.

–6 train, Up­town

Over­heard by: Su­san

Rollerblad­ing twelve-year-old to friend: Sean Han­ni­ty is such a douche!

–44th and 8th

An­ti-Bush crazy at an­ti-war stand on the street: There’s an id­iot in the White House! There’s an id­iot in the White House! .… Ac­tu­al­ly, he’s a mon­key — we got the DNA re­sults back!

–Out­side of the Met

Man on cell: Well, they killed 3,000 peo­ple! …Nooo, not the Arabs, the Con­ser­v­a­tives — the New York Con­ser­v­a­tives!

–181 St & Ft. Wash­ing­ton, Star­bucks

Over­heard by: One of the teach­ers

Hobo: I hope I nev­er run for of­fice, be­cause you peo­ple aren’t the first group I’ve said fucked-up shit to.

–F Train