Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

It’s All Greek to Me

Busi­ness­guy: It’s a small world.
Busi­ness­chick: Es­pe­cial­ly in As­to­ria!
Busi­ness­guy: Ha, ha, ha!
Busi­ness­chick: Hee, hee.

–Mid­town of­fice

No Shit?

Teen boy #1: Yo son, butt sex mad dis­gust­ing.
Teen boy #2: No, it ain’t. If she shit be­fore you do it you won’t get no poop on yo dick.
Teen boy #1: Pfft. They al­ways be shit in her ass even if she shits.
Teen boy #2: Nah, son.
Teen boy #1: When you pull the mush­room out there gonna be shit un­der it.
Teen boy #2: Ha, ha, ha! No, it ain’t…Ask her about it.

–R train

Over­heard by: Evan Walsh

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

Reg­u­lar Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman: …Then they gave him en­e­mas un­til it ran clear. Now he has­n’t had a move­ment in three days. Should I be wor­ried?

–Sub­way

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the up­stairs bath­room.

–44th & 3rd

Am­bigu­ous­ly gay ac­tor: Flow­ers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: a girl who poops

Fresh­man chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Re­stroom, Hunter Col­lege

Cheru­bic blonde chick to an­oth­er: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Suit-in-train­ing: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I for­got.

–NYU Stern Build­ing

Guy wait­ing for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We got­ta go out here!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: KeeZ

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need a Pam­prin

Woman: When it’s a tam­pon, you can stick it any­where.

–59th St

Over­heard by: Rich

Woman on cell: …and then this big glop of bloody goop came out, and so I reached in­to the toi­let and squeezed it to make sure it was­n’t a ba­by…

–13th & Broad­way

20-Some­thing chick: My shit bled like it’s nev­er bled be­fore.

–El­e­va­tor, 57th & 6th

Over­heard by: Matt

Mul­let­ed queer: Imag­ine if Vir­ginia Slims de­signed a tam­pon!–Bush­wick, Brook­lynOver­heard by: ‘nuther black char­lie chap­lin

Cre­ative ge­nius: Just imag­ine if I had a tam­pon gun!

–St. Mark’s

Woman on cell: Well, you can’t just go hand­ing out san­i­tary nap­kins to every­one!

–15th & Union Square East

Loud girl on cell: Yeah, so he was go­ing for it, and I was like, “No, ba­by, I can’t tonight,” and he was like, “Why?” and I was like, “I got it to­day,” and he was like, “Aww, then noth­ing for a whole week!”

–CVS, 58th & 9th

Over­heard by: Kate Melvin