Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

Real Bunny Eyes Dissolve, Too

Girl #1: We did this experiment with Peeps in high school. Nothing dissolved them. Not hydrochloric acid. Highly concentrated. Not sulfuric acid. Highly concentrated. Not nitric acid. Highly concentrated. Nothing dissolved except the eyes.
Girl #2: So how come when I eat Peeps, my poop isn’t pink and sparkly?
Girl #1: Oh, there’s ingredient breakdown and bile’s involved, but you pretty much shit Peep.

–Metro-North train

Introducing Mrs. Softee

Girl #1: It’s official: I’m lactose intolerant.
Girl #2: Oh. So?
Girl #1: Well, I had a pasta for lunch in cream sauce. My stomach ain’t having any of it.
Girl #2: It’s coming outta ya?
Girl #1: Yes, Einstein.
Girl #2: All glooby globby?
Girl #1: Do you really have to do that?
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. You love it.

–6 train

Overheard by: Erika Thompson

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie