Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.
–Times Square
Archive for the ‘Pop Culture’ Category
My New Wife, Wednesday One-liners
Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.
–B train
Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff
Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.
–F train
Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!
–63rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve – we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”
–33rd & Park
Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.
–Park Slope
Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: Matt
Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth!
–Atlantic Avenue gas station
Overheard by: Megan
Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.
–Newark airport
Overheard by: jk
I Know What You Did in College, Dad
Little girl: Daddy, are there people inside the big balloons?
Father: Only in Scooby-Doo. He’s a carnivore.
–77th & Columbus
I Hear Jigsaw Loves Self-Destructive Gym Bunnies
Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.
–NYU gym locker room
More Like “You Need to Come Out”
Sorority girl #1: How are things going with him?
Sorority girl #2: Okay, I guess. I mean, his favorite band is the Smiths, so I’m like “you need to get out of 1999, dude.”
–Blue Ribbon bakery, Downing Street
Overheard by: Adam Graham
Signs of the Apocalypse
Girl #1: Hey are you going to go see The Da Vinci Code?
Girl #2: Yes! My pastor said it was alright as long as I watched The Passion of the Christ right after.
–Midwood High School
Overheard by: the half jewish kid in the corner
$50 Says Mo Would Take That Scarecrow Out
Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I’m gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other’s eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, “Rock on, I’m in a death cage!” And Maureen Dowd would be like, “Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?”
–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
Wednesday One-liners Need Some Space
Bus driver: Move to the back of the bus. They’re giving free diamonds in the back of the bus. See that lady in the back for your free diamond.
–M2 bus
Guy: I hate this city. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a production.
–W 44th, near filming of Spiderman 3
Overheard by: Alex
Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy
Hipster chick with “valley girl” accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys’ confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, “Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat’s fur, and it feels good.”
–Washington Square Park
10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.
–34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Samantha
Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now – we both have cats!
–One World Financial Center
Overheard by: macgeekgrl
Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?
–60th St b/w Park & Madison
Overheard by: Adam B.
20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: J Cox
A Two-Fister to the End
Guy: They have Bob Marley’s last burrito — just like the other place we went to.
Girl: Didn’t he only have one last burrito?
–Burritoville, East Village
