Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Porn’ Category

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Art?

Old­er gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you did­n’t need to have pas­sion or tal­ent to be an artist; you just need­ed to have a van, be­cause no one else was go­ing to haul your shit­ty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Over­heard by: Miss C

Girl read­ing sign at Frank Lloyd Wright mu­se­um: Oh… He was an ar­chi­tect!

–Guggen­heim Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: An­tar­tic

Mom to lit­tle girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you’ll turn in­to a stat­ue.

–Mo­MA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she did­n’t think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I’ll go to a fuck­ing mu­se­um if I fuck­ing want to. I’ll look at some paint­ings and shit.

–Down­town Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Mark McLaugh­lin

12-year-old boy, look­ing at Pi­cas­so paint­ings: This is to­tal­ly my thing, man, it’s like free porn.

–Mo­MA

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Do Dal­las

Hobo: I was an ex­tra in the movie [in­audi­ble] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees scream­ing, ‘I’m a born-again porno ad­dict!’

–N train

Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!

–Out­side adult video store, 14th & 6th

Over­heard by: Sarah

Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so se­ri­ous about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an an­i­mal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?

–The Black Sheep

Over­heard by: Ar­gopel­ter

Guy on cell, push­ing by cou­ple with ba­by in stroller: I’m not go­ing to Cal­i­for­nia! I pay her twelve hun­dred dol­lars per hour. If she does­n’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hun­dred thir­ty-eight fuck­ing grand yes­ter­day! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!

–Ho­r­a­tio & Hud­son

Over­heard by: Stephen Lind­say

An­gry girl to friend: Se­ri­ous­ly, Chris, can’t we go one day with­out talk­ing about shiz­er porn?!

–East Vil­lage

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m se­ri­ous, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and mas­tur­bat­ing burns a lot of calo­ries, too.

–Brook­lyn

Very up­set drunk hobo, af­ter con­duc­tor an­nounces last stop: Your kickin’ all these peo­ple out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowl­ing Green Sta­tion

Street dancer: Every­one on earth was born as a re­sult of an or­gasm. Every­one mas­tur­bates. And if they say they don’t, they’re ly­ing. Even the Pope mas­tur­bates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throw­ing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Ass­hole mas­tur­bat­ed in my tea!

–Out­side Star­bucks

Teen thug: I wan­na plea­sure my­self while writ­ing an es­say, what’s the prob­lem with that?

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Robert G.

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Here to Fix the Ca­ble

Guy: So, I saw this video on­line of a chick who tied her beef cur­tains in a knot…

–As­tor Pl

Chick: Maybe I should scrap my dis­ser­ta­tion and just write erot­i­ca?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Chick: My fa­vorite porn line, and pos­si­bly my fa­vorite movie line ever, is, ‘Suck it, my queen. Suck it.’

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Pl

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

In­tern to an­oth­er: They do too make gay pornog­ra­phy!

–42nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Nico­las Agrait

Cube neigh­bor on phone with friend: So, the first thing she needs to do is throw it out — get rid of all the porn. I mean, she has clos­ets and clos­ets full of it!

–Mid­town

20-some­thing woman on cell: I may be too an­a­lyt­i­cal for erot­i­ca.

–Out­side Cen­tu­ry 21

Over­heard by: McF­reaky

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bet­ter Not End Up on the In­ter­net

30-some­thing on cell: Mom, he came over and took a pic­ture of my toi­let!

–Spring & Greene

20-some­thing chick: First of all, who pos­es bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart park­ing lot? Sec­ond­ly, who bleach­es their ass­hole? Third, who takes a pic­ture of it and e‑mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, be­tween Broad­way & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: La­dle

Queer: He pho­tographs re­al­ly poor­ly. That’s a big prob­lem for me…

–Star­bucks, Wash­ing­ton Square

Over­heard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just be­cause I work with her does­n’t mean I have to look at pho­tos of her pla­cen­ta.

–34th & 3rd

Over­heard by: X. L. Per­cy