Archive for the ‘Post Office’ Category

Thank Good­ness I Had This En­ve­lope to Blow My Nose On!

Small Jew­ish woman on the phone: Hey, so sor­ry, I’m run­ning late. I’m just leav­ing my house now. I woke up with a hor­ri­ble cold…
Post of­fice work­er: Miss?
Small Jew­ish woman on the phone: Oh wait… It’s my turn… I’m ac­tu­al­ly in line at the post of­fice… Oh and when I see you, ab­solute­ly no hugs, I am very con­ta­gious!

–Post Of­fice, Lon­don Ter­race

Over­heard by: wish I had a bot­tle of purel

Worst. Slave Girl. Ever.

Girl #1, ap­ply­ing for pass­port at win­dow: Go get in line over there and get me some stamps.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: A book of stamps! Get me some stamps. And it had bet­ter not be over $20.
Girl #2: What if they have lot­sa kinds of stamps? Like, which one should I get?
(girl #1 stares blank)
Girl #2: I don’t buy stamps.
Girl #1: This is­n’t a li­brary! Get a freak­ing book of stamps!

–Post Of­fice, 42nd St

The White Dev­il’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Old­er black man to no­body in par­tic­u­lar: Ain’t noth­in’ done changed in two-hun­dred years! White folks is still goin’ round makin’ a mess and then makin’ a black man come in and clean up af­ter them…

–Post Of­fice, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx

Asian girl: Do white peo­ple eat sand­wich­es for din­ner?

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Spec

Black teen girl: If a sis­ter is feed­ing a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.

–T.G.I. Fri­day’s

Over­heard by: Chris K

Black chick: But can a French­man be a honky?

–Park Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Hunter

Lin­guis­ti­cal­ly savvy hobo: The term “crack­er” orig­i­nat­ed from a man named Robert White­ly. It was used to re­fer to peo­ple as “white trash”.

–37th & 3rd

Lati­na woman to el­der­ly moth­er: We gonna find you a seat soon, ma­mi. If I got­ta beat up white bitch­es… Let’s go.

–3rd & 1st

Over­heard by: j

Next Guy in Line: “Laid!

Old man: Wait–what you think you do­ing? This here’s the line!
La­dy in nurse scrubs: I just want to get a pass­port ap­pli­ca­tion.
Old man: Well, I just want to get a box. Every­body in this line just wants to get some­thing.
(turns to next per­son in line)
Old man: What you want to get?
Next per­son in line: Some stamps.
Fol­low­ing per­son in line: A mon­ey or­der.
Old man: See, honey–they all just want to get some­thing!

–Post Of­fice, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

What You Nev­er Knew About Su­per­girl’s Up­bring­ing

Mom to scream­ing girls: If you do not stop right now, there will be no tv for a week.
Girls: Nooooo!
Mom: That or a spank­ing.
Girl #1: I’ll take the spank­ing.
Mom: You don’t want the spank­ing. I will spank you so hard you won’t sit for a week.
Girl #2, yelling: When are you go­ing to beat me? I want you to beat me!

–Post Of­fice, Stat­en Is­land