Archive for the ‘Preggers’ Category

If You’re Against Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Don’t Have One

Opera di­rec­tor, af­ter tech sticks a wire hang­er un­der the ther­mo­stat box to turn up the heat: Well, some­one just got an abor­tion! (every­one stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brook­lyn Mu­sic School

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Cheap­er than a Chi­nese abor­tion!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Mick­ey

Bar cus­tomer to bar­tender: You’re on­ly 22? I have an abort­ed fe­tus that’s old­er than you!

–110th & Am­s­ter­dam

Man sell­ing tick­ets: Help me pay for my girl­friend’s abor­tion by com­ing to the com­e­dy club!

–Times Square

Man to very preg­nant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had got­ten an abor­tion.

–D Train

Over­heard by: blis­tex­ad­dict

Pre­tend to En­joy It and You Can Have the Whole Cup

Boyfriend: Mm­mm… Cof­fee…
Preg­gers girl­friend: What?! You got cof­fee? Give me a sip…
Boyfriend: No, ba­by… No caf­feine for you…
Preg­gers girl­friend, try­ing to wres­tle cup away: Just a sip? Pleeease?!
Boyfriend: No! Bad for the ba­by…
Preg­gers girl­friend: I’ll suck your dick for a sip! [Boyfriend im­me­di­ate­ly hands the cup over.]

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Mike

Wednes­day One­sie Lin­ers

Woman on cell, loud­ly: No, no, my baby’s get­ting fixed that day!

–5th Ave

Yup­pie thug in three-piece suit, loud­ly on cell while rid­ing es­ca­la­tor: So you sayin’ it’s mines? How you know it’s mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain’t been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain’t been no ba­by sprung up out­ta my dick! I ain’t no adop­tion agency!

–Bor­ders, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: IJust­Want­to­Browse­Madon­na’s­Broth­er’sTell-AllinPeace

20-some­thing male on cell: What did I tell you about hav­ing sex with peo­ple who have baby­ma­ma prob­lems? That’s why I gave up my crush on Bris­tol Palin.

–110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Top­i­cal

Black la­dy with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y’all are not fit­ting in­to this car. Stop pushin’ up on my ba­by. Y’all need to back that shit up now. (ba­by starts cry­ing) What do you want? What do you want? Are you hav­ing hot flash­es? Cause I know I am. Je­sus!

–Down­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Alie

Black woman: Of all his baby­ma­mas, why he al­way both­er­ing her? He has all these baby­ma­mas and he’s al­ways bug­ging her. She must still be puttin’ out.

–34th & Broad­way

Very young preg­nant woman pur­chas­ing cig­a­rettes on: What the hell kind of dif­fer­ence does what you eat have on what kind of ba­by you have?

–Nos­trand & Dean, Crown Heights

Over­heard by: Siob­han

Can Civ­il En­gi­neer­ing Cor­rect This Lack Of Ci­vil­i­ty? Dis­cuss.

(nurse with el­der­ly la­dy on wheel­chair comes against Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman with ba­by in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I’m sor­ry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman: Oh, I’m sor­ry, I can…
Se­nile old la­dy: Get out of the way, chink!
(in­fant cries)
Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman: Ex­cuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I’m so sor­ry.
Se­nile old la­dy: Don’t apol­o­gize!
(nurse backs up and lets moth­er and child through)

–Wash­ing­ton Square Vil­lage

Over­heard by: zgold­berg