Archive for the ‘Preppies’ Category

He Won’t Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird’s Cage

Wan­na-be prep­py: Hey! Is that the news­pa­per?
Slack­er: Yeah.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Let’s have a look at it.
(slack­er throws pa­per in­to lock­er and locks lock­er)
Wan­na-be prep­py: Aw, why did you do that?
Slack­er: I can’t let you see it. It’s not mine.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Whose is it?
Slack­er: My girl­friend’s broth­er. He’s re­al­ly sen­si­tive…
Wan­na-be prep­py: Re­al­ly sen­si­tive about the news­pa­per?

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Kane

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just “So­cia­ble”

Drunk gay man: I’ve slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Over­heard by: Let his own mom win that con­test

Woman to man: I don’t want to be known as the whore of New York­ers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It’s just sex. There’s no way you guys can ever be per­ma­nent­ly tied, or any­thing.

–Ma­cy’s

Prep­py, mid­dle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Book­store, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ‑she prob­a­bly said

Mor­lock v. Eloi: The Pre­quel

A thugged out girl tests all of her ring tones as loud as pos­si­ble for a sol­id minute.

Prep­py girl: Are you se­ri­ous with that? Can you do every­one a fa­vor and stop?
Thug girl: I know you’re not talk­ing to me. You messed with the wrong girl.
Prep­py girl: I’m sor­ry, I can’t hear you. Your scream­ing phone made me deaf.
Thug girl: I’ll f her up. But then she’ll call the cops; her peo­ple love the cops. Go back to where you came from!
Prep­py girl: I’m try­ing to. That’s why I’m on the train, you stu­pid bitch. Look, you got a new cell phone and that’s great, but fig­ure it out at home.
Thug girl: I’ll f you up. You’re f‑ing with the wrong girl. Don’t be fooled by the pret­ty face.
Prep­py girl: Pret­ty face? Where?

–N train

Over­heard by: Mat­ty M.

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Won’t Re­mem­ber This To­mor­row

Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls for­ward, taps stranger on fore­head.] her­ro! Any­body home?! [laughs hys­ter­i­cal­ly].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck tech­nol­o­gy, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fin­gered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk prep­py busi­ness­man: Just tell her to put the oil in the noo­dles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: volup­tuous­grl

Drunk girl in the bath­room, pick­ing up plas­tic bag from the garbage: Whose ba­by is this?!?!

–Madi­son Square Gar­den Bath­room

Keep Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Your Pants, Dude

Prep­py guy: This may be the last thing I say with my pe­nis at­tached, but…

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his pe­nis is re­al­ly im­por­tant here, if his is bet­ter I’ll take him!

–26th St & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: your mom

Asian guy: Every­one else was on the floor. Every­one had a pe­nis in their face.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I’m say­ing is: don’t jump on the first pe­nis that comes along!

–Broad­way

Boss, about weightlift­ing: My gen­i­tals were so in­vert­ed I used to crap my pe­nis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six eu­phemisms for “pe­nis” in the first scene!

–Ju­nior High School

Over­heard by: gaby­gril­lz