Archive for the ‘Prison’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Look Terrible in Neon Orange

20-something woman to man: You've never been arrested? I have never met anyone that has not been arrested!

–Le Charlot Restaurant, Upper East Side

Angry guy on cell: If you ever send e-mail to my family again, I will wait outside your apartment door! (pause) I got arrested! I spent Thanksgiving in jail!

–11th & University

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Man in US Correctional Services jacket to another looking around hectically in a large crowd: Make sure we don't lose him!

–Penn Station

Chubby well-dressed black dude to skinny white geeky friends: Time in prison can be good for the soul!

–F Train

Overheard by: MissMae

Guy on cell: Yeah man, she's like a young girl, and she's driving me nuts. It's like always a fight with her. I mean, she's so young, yo… But yeah, I mean, she's a sweetheart. I mean, she's a good girl. So young. Like, we've been together for 7 months and that ain't nothing to me, but to her it's a big deal. And I'm all like, shit, I've been in jail for longer than 7 months, you know, so I don't know what she's bitching about. I don't need her to make me miserable. I can make myself miserable.

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Meaghan

Fran Drescher sound-alike: What's wrong with you? Don't applaud, I'm going to jail!

–Eight Mile Creek, Mullberry Street

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Wednesday One-Liners Do Not Pass “Go”; Do Not Collect $200

Guy: I don’t think you’re supposed to like being incarcerated.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: mkb

Middle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn myself in now I won’t be in court for six months.

–50th & 8th

Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this courthouse…

–Giants Parade, in Front of the Courthouse

Overheard by: Julian

Guy on phone: We really got ourselves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out sooner for good behavior. We should have never gotten involved.

–JFK Airport

Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Miranda rights, bitch! I will arrest you!

–Port Authority Women’s Bathroom

Overheard by: unsure if she is crazy or on the phone

Cashier on phone: No, you don’t understand, miss. That is perjury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not listening to me. I would be arrested. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to customers.] Can I help you?

–Harlem U-Haul

Wednesday One-Liners Get Prison Tats

Woman: If it’s not illegal, it’s not worth doing. That’s my motto.

–Walker & Broadway

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Guy on cell: If I put on some weight around the middle, I’ll just go to jail and get my six-pack back. I don’t give a fuck!

–Bay Ridge Pkwy & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: The Inimitable Karen

Mother to young son: If you do that again, Mommy’s going to send you to Rikers!

–Staples, the Village

Overheard by: Afraid of Tough Love

Man to female companion: Imagine the kind of cool stuff we could do if we didn’t have jobs. We’d totally learn how to be pickpockets. What’s the worst that could happen? We’d get arrested and thrown in jail for a couple days every once in a while, but we’d make so much money!

–Rockefeller Center

Pilot: … And to your left you’ll see Rikers Island, where I spend my weekends…

–Flight to LaGuardia

Overheard by: Drumm

Angry woman: Thank God that shit came back negative. Maybe I can drop them charges now!

–Free STD screening clinic, Brooklyn

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