Columbia boy: That’s the library, right?
Barnard girl: Yeah, but it’s just for girls. They do a muff-check at the door.
–Barnard College
Archive for the ‘Private Parts’ Category
Now’s the Time to Clarify These Things
Guido: I like my women a little more, shall we say, feminine.
Trannie: Yeah, I’ve got balls.
–LIRR, 6 AM
Overheard by: eileen
Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude
Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!
–26th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: your mom
Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!
–Broadway
Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.
–5th Ave
Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!
–Junior High School
Overheard by: gabygrillz
A World Where My Sisters and Brothers Will Be Judged Not by the Color of Their Skin but by the Circumference of Their Ass
Hobo: Spare some change for the fucking poor? Yeah, that’s right, you fucking chinks. Fucking slanty-eyed flat-assed bitches! Suck my ass!
Asian woman: He said my butt was flat!
–114th & Broadway
The Riddle of the Sphincter: Solved
Teen boy: I don’t see how a gay boy’s booty just expands like that.
Queer bystander: Actually, it doesn’t expand — it rips.
Teen boy: Oh, thanks. I needed that.
–G train
Overheard by:
Fucking as in What the Fucking
Teen boy #1: Did you ever do that in Grand Theft Auto?
Teen boy #2: Yes. It’s fucking nuts. Nuts as in testicles.
–207th & Broadway
Parapraxic Wednesday One-Liners
Guy: I had to swallow… The whole thing!
–9th Ave & 44th St
Big guy: Did I tell you? The other weekend I caught Jack’s sausage!
–Duane Reed, Jackson Heights
Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair
Girl, on firefighters packing equipment: Man, there’s a lot of hose out there!
–Hanover Square
Customer: If I’m going to pay 20 dollars for a piece of meat, the least they can do is give me something to wipe my face with.
–45th & Madison
Overheard by: madnyc
One mother to another, both pushing strollers: He just won’t suck on anything else!
–5th Ave between 8th & 9th St
Park Slope
Overheard by: Wankrupt
Dad instructing child: You kind of have to use your tongue to lap it up into your mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: vm
Twelve-year-old girl on phone: There’s really a lake called Titty CaCa!
–8th Ave &16th St
Is It Sick That I Wednesday on Their One-Liners?
Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
–NYU
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
–Washington Heights
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Thermos Not Included
Drunk #1: That girl’s got legs up to her lunchbox.
Drunk #2: Yeah, but there ain’t a lot of protein on them bones.
–Fred’s Bar, South Bronx