Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
Girl #1: I just got waxed. Feel my legs, they’re sooo soft.
Girl #2: Ooohhh. Sooo smooth.
Girl #1: Yeah, you should feel my cooch.
–Columbia University
Hysterical girl #1: What stop is next?
Hysterical girl #2: Tuckahoe.
Hysterical girl #3: I tucked a hoe in my pants once.
–Metro North Railroad
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!
–Fordham
A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.
–Varick Street
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dandruff. I need to like get rid of it because I can never wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Except I have crotch dandruff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snowing.
–A Train
Overheard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?
Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn’t that the same thing?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Nettle
Tween girl #1: He had a boner. It was so gross.
Tween girl #2: How do you know he had a boner?
Tween girl #1: I’ve known him since first grade. He had a boner.
Tween guy: How does knowing him since first grade have anything to do with knowing that he had a boner?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Bryan
Teen girl: Wow, look at the men’s room line and then look at the women’s room line. It’s so much longer.
Fat woman: Yeah. Shit, I’ll grow a penis.
–Shubert Theater, W. 44th Street
Overheard by: Emily G.
Rastafarian man to white basketball female player with dreads: Hey! Why you white people always trying to look like me!
–Union Square
Black guy selling Empire State Building tickets: You’re from Scotland? I love the Scots… They’re puuuuuuurrreee white!
–Outside Empire State Building
Black woman to another, about frat guys nearby: Man, white people are so loud.
–109th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Becks
Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neighborhood with your white crotch! You don’t belong here!
–Upper West Side
Black woman to cops walking away: But I’m a Caucasian!
–Bed-Stuy
Columbia boy: That’s the library, right?
Barnard girl: Yeah, but it’s just for girls. They do a muff-check at the door.
–Barnard College
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist