Woman selling crap on side of road: Come on, let’s go get high, so you can make love to me, so we can get something to eat. Come on.
–Fulton and Gold
Archive for the ‘Prostitutes’ Category
In My Spare Time, I Teach Diction
Chick: I don’t have any more cigarettes.
Bag lady: I don’t want no cigarette. I ain’t no crack addict. I’m a ho.
–outside Ding Dong Lounge, UWS
Christian Siriano: “Wednesday Is a Hot One-Liner Mess”
Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!
–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Katie
Black drag queen in kimono: I’m a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: Ryan K
Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Jean
Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.
–MTA
Everyone Knows Homeless Men Are for Practicing Your Blowjobs!
Prostitute #1: And then she got pregnant by a homeless man!
Prostitute #2: Even I think that’s low!
–Doyers St.
Wednesday One-Liners in Clear Heels
Woman on cell: I may or may not have just accidentally become a sex worker.
–40th & 9th
Overheard by: McFreaky
Attractive gay man to boyfriend: If I had a better body, I would be a prostitute.
–W 4th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rpk
Girl to friends: Just slap me! Slap me like a Thai hooker, for god’s sake.
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: columbia undergrad
Five-year-old boy: Mom, what’s a gigolo?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Justine
Woman yelling into a cell: For the love of god, I’m sleeping with men for crack. Do you really think that would mess with my list of priorities?
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: Wonders what the suggestion was
20-something woman on cell: Wait–am I in the sex industry?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Poogins
Or Check Out My Ad on That Bench
Random woman: I’m a well known prostitute here in New York.
Random man: Oh really? You’re well-known around here?! Says who?!
Random woman: Ask anyone!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Paula
What’s the World Coming to When a Lady Can’t Even Have Crab-Filled Transactional Sex?
Prostitute #1, about gay men leaving bar: Oh, girl, don’t even waste yo’ time. Those two are gay.
Prostitute #2: Goddammit! This neighborhood’s gettin’ so fucked up! I can’t even do my job no more!
–46th & 9th
Overheard by: Dan
I’ve Sucked Those Toes, So I Know!
Chick: Look, I didn’t paint my toenails red after you made that comment.
Guy: Good, because the only girls who do that are selling their ass on the street.
–14th St & 7th Ave
King: I’ll Take the Hooker, Thank You
Teacher: If you were convicted of murder, who would you send to ride to the king to get a pardon?
Student: A rider.
Teacher: Can you spell that? Do you mean a ‘writer’?
Student: R‑I-D-E‑R — someone who is good with horses.
Teacher: So what is important is his sportsmanship?
Student: Maybe a servant? A friend of the king?
Teacher: What is one of the oldest professions?
Student: A prostitute?
Teacher: A lawyer!
–New York Law School
Wednesday One-Liners Know the Guys Down at Vice a Little Too Well
Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Alex
Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street!
–1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Kira
Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday.
–150 5th Ave
Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses.
–6 train, 68th St
Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes.
–1 train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Kimdog
Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far!
–Times Square
Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild.
–Hughes Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
