Archive for the ‘Prostitution’ Category

Hey, Wednes­day, Your One-Lin­er Is Show­ing!

Mid­dle-aged woman, an­gri­ly on cell: You tell him to go out­side right now, and take his clothes off!

–32nd St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: djlori

Girl to friend: All of a sud­den there’s a naked man! Like, this does­n’t trans­late well vi­su­al­ly.

–Up­town 1 Train

Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?

–60th St & Colum­bus Ave

Over­heard by: Stacey V

Girl on phone: Top­less an­ar­chy is still an­ar­chy, man.

–5 Train

Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

CNN Needs More Scratch­ing and Weave-Pulling

Black girl #1, af­ter watch­ing Eliot Spitzer’s apol­o­gy: Did you see the wife? She was just standin’ there!
Black girl #2: That’s cause she’s not black. If that was me, I’­da took off my ring and throwed it at his head.
Black girl #1: Mmmh­mm. If she was black, she’d a keeped it re­al.

–Ed­ward R. Mur­row High School

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Know How to Dick­er

Lit­tle gang­ster kid: Yo, the last time I went fish­ing I got a fish­ing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brook­lyn

Hobo: Every­body’s some­body on my dick!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

Girl, to male co-work­er: Can you be a lit­tle more sub­tle and not such a dick-swinger about your Am­s­tel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Over­heard by: Ken­zi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broad­way and Put­nam, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Tom­mi

Drunk col­lege stu­dent: My re­deem­ing fac­tor is I will suck fuck­ing dick to make mon­ey.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Over­heard by: John­ny Bon­san­to

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her num­ber, and then it was dis­con­nect­ed. So I went back the next week, and she was­n’t work­ing there any­more. So I won­dered, did she quit her job just to avoid suck­ing my dick?

–Bleeck­er & Sul­li­van

Over­heard by: Car­o­line

What You Get for Talk­ing to Strangers

Coke­head: Hey bud­dy, you got a cig­a­rette?
Brit tourist: Yeah, man. Here.
Coke­head: Hey, smell my face.
Brit tourist: Why?
Coke­head: Just smell it, go on! (sticks chin out and push­es face to Brit’s nose)
Brit tourist: No way man, why?
Coke head: Please.
(Brit tourist smells his face)
Brit tourist: What is that?
Coke­head: That’s the smell of a thou­sand-dol­lar hook­er’s pussy.

–42nd & 3rd

Meet New York City’s Most Func­tion­al Cou­ple

Male suit: See, look at her! (points at woman on Black­Ber­ry) Women are more like­ly to get killed while tex­ting than men. Men are al­ways aware of their sur­round­ings.
Fe­male suit: No, men just can’t walk and text at the same time. Women are bet­ter at mul­ti-task­ing.
Male suit: Al­right, since you’re so good at mul­ti-task­ing, suck my dick and make me a sand­wich.
Fe­male suit: I’ve got news for you. If you keep eat­ing sand­wich­es, even hook­ers won’t want to suck your dick.

–Broad­way & As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Say a Mouth­ful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can’t be Face­book friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to bud­dies in the pass­ing Sky­fari car: Yo, that build­ing over there… That’s the build­ing where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Sky­fari, Bronx Zoo

Over­heard by: Ste­fan Yonker

Young man, dis­mis­sive­ly: I could fuck­ing suck cocks for a liv­ing, it does­n’t mat­ter!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Mid­dle school­er, wrestling in Aids memo­r­i­al: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Over­heard by: Ni­na & Phil

Mid­dle-school girl to moth­er: My e‑mail pass­word is “blowjob”.

–L Train