Archive for the ‘Prostitution’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Say a Mouth­ful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can’t be Face­book friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to bud­dies in the pass­ing Sky­fari car: Yo, that build­ing over there… That’s the build­ing where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Sky­fari, Bronx Zoo

Over­heard by: Ste­fan Yonker

Young man, dis­mis­sive­ly: I could fuck­ing suck cocks for a liv­ing, it does­n’t mat­ter!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Mid­dle school­er, wrestling in Aids memo­r­i­al: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Over­heard by: Ni­na & Phil

Mid­dle-school girl to moth­er: My e‑mail pass­word is “blowjob”.

–L Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Live Be­yond Their Means

Black woman #1, to black woman #2: That’s a re­al cute phone for a nig­ger with­out a job.

–Sprint Store

Over­heard by: wig­ger with a job

Guy: I dun­no, if I had that much mon­ey, I’d spend it on some­thing else. Like pants made of diamonds…Or hook­ers made of gold.

–Lafayette & Bond

Over­heard by: jay­loo

Hobo, to ba­by in stroller: You’re a fuck­ing mo­ron, kid, wast­ing all your mon­ey on that shit!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Peg­gyG.

You Put That in Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Woman, to friend: he was so ex­cit­ed, I thought his butt plug was go­ing to shoot out of his ass.

–Spring Street and 6th St

Over­heard by: Sarah O.

Dude in fur coat and con­struc­tion boots: My mom asked me if I had a ra­zor in my butt…

–Down­town ‘1’ Train

Hus­band to wife:
I can’t be­lieve you just put your fin­ger up my butt hole!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: boni­fa­cia

Trans­ves­tite pros­ti­tute: I just got off my sec­ond and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fin­gers in his booty.

–Meat-pack­ing Dis­trict

Over­heard by: Erin

Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass in­to your ass!

–Bleek­er & Bar­row

Over­heard by: ivy270

Guy on cell phone pass­ing by: nor­mal­ly when you say that, my ass­hole starts puck­er­ing!

–Union Square

Wednes­days Strap on Their One-Lin­ers

Woman walk­ing in­to apart­ment build­ing: Why did I get stuck car­ry­ing the bag of butt plugs?

–Green­point Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won’t die if you get stabbed by a dil­do. (pause) Well, even if it was a hook­er. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bush­wick Ave

Over­heard by: cameo

Homie on Black­Ber­ry; No, no, peep this, I said “cock ring” and she says, “like the guy from the OJ tri­al?” I’m dead se­ri­ous!

–Rock­afeller Plaza

At­trac­tive 20-some­thing to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pil­low Fight, Union Square

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wood­en dil­do. It was wood­en!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-some­thing girl: This is the most ex­cit­ing thing to hap­pen to­day! And that’s say­ing some­thing, con­sid­er­ing to­day was a day that in­clud­ed buy­ing sex toys!


Wednes­day Still Re­mem­ber When You Could One-Lin­er in Bars

Young hip­ster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cig­a­rette from you?

–Prince St

Over­heard by: Kris­ten W.

Flight at­ten­dant on PA: We’d like to re­mind you that this is a non-smok­ing ser­vice to Lon­don, but pas­sen­gers are per­mit­ted to smoke out­side the cab­in at any point dur­ing the flight.

–British Air­ways Flight to Heathrow

Crazy man: Smok­ing leads di­rect­ly to pros­ti­tu­tion!

–66th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: volup­tuous­grl

Dude: I’ve been smok­ing since I came out of my mom’s cooch.

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Woman with raspy voice: Man, cig­a­rettes are so ex­pen­sive now. When I start­ed smok­ing, it was on­ly a $1.25 a pack. Un­less I bought them off my mom, she on­ly charged 75 cents a pack.

–4 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

Mom to sev­en-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cig­a­rette. (looks around ner­vous­ly at oth­er au­di­ence mem­bers) Well, not that you smoke.

–In­ter­mis­sion, Rent

And No One Got the “Nor­we­gian” Joke

20-some­thing guy, hold­ing long wood­en board: Hey, can you spare some change for me and my wood to get a hook­er?
Blonde par­ty girl pass­ing by, rub­bing wood in sex­u­al way: Oh, I like your wood…
20-some­thing guy: Oh, thank you. (to girl sit­ting next to him) You’d think some­one would give me mon­ey just for mak­ing them laugh, but no.

–St. Mark’s b/w 2nd & 3rd

Over­heard by: TR