Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category

Noth­ing Says Healthy Re­la­tion­ship Like Self-Loathing

Ja­maican girl: You know what I think about a lot? I think I must have been white in my past life, but I must have done some­thing re­al­ly, re­al­ly hor­ri­ble to get stuck in this black body.
Boyfriend: Jeez, you do think about that a lot.
Ja­maican girl: Oh, not 90 per­cent of the time. Just 10 per­cent.

–Sub­way to Archer Ave

Over­heard by: Just a girl

Get Out­ta His Way When He Finds Out the Truth about San­ta…

Guy with fliers: Psy­chic read­ings! On­ly 10 dol­lars! Psy­chic read­ings!
Re­al­ist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the mon­ey at, why don’t she go get it her­self?
Guy, drop­ping fliers: Word! I’m go­ing to go ask that bitch now!

–Union Square

Head­line by: Al­li­son


· “He’s a reg­u­lar Nos­tra-Dum­b­ass” — Smell­face

· “I see dead pres­i­dents!” — The Amaz­ing Gotcharock­soff

· “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Suck­er, The 3 Of Sheis­ters” — the ace of spades

· “That Takes a Pair of Crys­tal Balls.” — DanK

· “We ALL saw that com­ing” — JP

· “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Lep­rechaun At” — wook­ie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­days Be­come One-Lin­er With the Uni­verse

Young child to moth­er: I am not psy­chic.

–Down­town B Train

Over­heard by: furf

Nor­mal-look­ing guy: But we have the com­plex­i­ty of mag­ic!


Asian Bikram in­struc­tor: Lis­ten to your breast and find your in­ner piss.

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Bikram Cu­ri­ous

Thug on cell: You don’t know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you re­al­ly blacked out. But you have to un­der­stand that the spir­i­tu­al world and the phys­i­cal world are two dif­fer­ent things. (pause) I don’t have ev­i­dence of a spir­i­tu­al world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That’s his name, right?

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: [email protected]

Guy on phone: Lis­ten, Ju­lian, you are a shit-ass ex­cuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut but­ter from be­tween my toes. (pause) Lis­ten, Ju­lian, I’m on the oth­er line with my psy­chic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Lara

…When You Stop Hang­ing Around With Me

Girl #1: What did your as­trologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my hus­band in the next year. He’s 6′4″ with salt-and-pep­per hair. He has a ti­tle but he’s not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he’s a bil­lion­aire?
Girl #2: He’s not a bil­lion­aire but he does well for him­self. Oh, al­so he’s French but he speaks sev­en lan­guages.
Girl #2: Did she say any­thing about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shit­ty to al­right.

–Hol­i­day Cock­tail Lounge, St Mark’s & 2nd

Over­heard by: wax