Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category

De­spite That, the Punch to the Jaw Came As a Sur­prise

Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skin­ny blonde: Take a train as far north as pos­si­ble.
Asian male passer­by: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New York­ers al­ways lie?!
Skin­ny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Every­one there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skin­ny blonde: We’re all psy­chic, too.

–42nd & 8th

Madame Blavatsky’s Se­cret Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Frumpy drunk la­dy to NYU kids: When we were cave­men we were more tele­path­ic.

–Es­sex Ale House

Over­heard by: jen

Ghet­to chick ar­gu­ing with cowork­er: … And I won’t be deal­ing with you for the sim­ple fact that I don’t like your au­ra!

–Memo­r­i­al Sloan-Ket­ter­ing Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: tri­cia

Con­duc­tor to be­wil­dered pas­sen­ger who missed his stop: So, you re­mem­ber when I was sayin’ that if you aren’t in the first five cars the doors would­n’t open at South Fer­ry? Well, you weren’t in the first five cars, and the doors did­n’t open at South Fer­ry. I’m fuckin’ psy­chic like that.

–1 train plat­form, Rec­tor St

Over­heard by: Scott

Girl on date: So it’s re­al­ly bad, ’cause I’ve got this think­ing prob­lem. It’s like, I can’t ever con­cen­trate be­cause I’m just al­ways think­ing! … So, let me tell you why nu­merol­o­gy cards work best for Scor­pios.

–122nd & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Hunt­ingSnark

Big black guy on cell: Hope you med­i­tate your­self in­to a co­ma!

–Lawrence St

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have a Doc­tor’s Note

Chick to an­oth­er: She’s a weed-smok­ing, mod­ern or­tho­dox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rab­bi’s high, but…

–Brook­lyn Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: cole

Pro­fes­sor: … So the art de­part­ment on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boul­ders.

–Me­dia Pro­duc­tions class, City Col­lege

Mi­ni thug: Yo, I would­n’t even have to be high out of my mind to en­joy this shit!

–Brook­lyn Cy­clone, Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Alie

Smok­ing mod­el on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s ad­dict­ed to opi­ates!

–Hous­ton & Laf­fayette

Over­heard by: Jake

Hobo to girls: How are you smil­ing in a city filled with a mil­lion crack­heads?

–56th & 5th

Guy on a rant in front of Imag­ine mo­sa­ic: In my next life I want to be an amoe­ba! Make more mu­sic, smoke more pot… Eat­ing health­ily is ex­pen­sive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!

–Straw­ber­ry Fields, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: I’ll have what he’s hav­ing

Maybe You Should Find Out What That Means, First

Fe­male suit #1: So, last night I was on this web­site…
Fe­male suit #2, ea­ger­ly: Was it My­Space?
Fe­male suit #1: No, it was Smatchy.
Fe­male suit #2, dis­ap­point­ed: Oh…
Fe­male suit #1: What’s wrong?
Fe­male suit #2: I’ve been tak­ing these clair­voy­ance class­es, but I don’t think they’re work­ing.

–L train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Al­ways Thought Slim Good­body Was Hot

Woman: You bet­ter get that uvu­la home soon!

–Brook­lyn bound F train

Over­heard by: Poi­sonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, hold­ing US Week­ly: Mm­m­m­mm, Ash­lee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lot­ta crack in her bel­ly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rum­maged through my in­ter­nal or­gans…

–1 train

Over­heard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t be­lieve it; your brain mus­cle must be telepa­thet­ic or some­thing!

–18th & Park

Over­heard by: ed­ward

Ven­dor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Woost­er & Broome

Pro­fes­sor: My fa­vorite mag­a­zine is one for un­der­tak­ers. It’s called Cas­kets and Sun­ny­side. You can or­der ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a mar­ket for them.

–Ford­ham

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilt­ed! That’s to­tal­ly fucked up. I’m sor­ry.

–23rd & 6th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Black and White and Read All Over

White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watch­ing BET? Well, do you feel black and/or en­ter­tained?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Casey

Black guy: So you see, white bitch­es just don’t un­der­stand that I have a big ass pe­nis.

–St. Mark’s

Teenage black girl: See those build­ings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white peo­ple moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Krack­er Kil­la!

–Up­town 1 train

Over­heard by: aq

Black guy to white girl: You’d bet­ter not stay in the rain too long; sug­ar melts!

–117th & 5th

Over­heard by: robin b

JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his par­ties, I just don’t fit in. Hel­lo! I’m white!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t un­der­stand. You know what I’m sayin’? Cer­tain races, dog.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Ghet­to girl: What was these two white bitch­es do­ing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morn­ing? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ash­ley and Ha­ley. That’s how white they was!

–Up­town 5 train

Mid­west­ern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daugh­ter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a dif­fer­ent col­or than you? You see that some­times in big cities.

–Down­town 6 train

Over­heard by: Gwen

Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re act­ing like a black per­son.

–N train, Dit­mars Blvd, Queens

Juicer: Oh, shit! We got cus­tomers in the store! We got­ta stop act­ing so black!

–Jam­ba Juice, Uni­ver­si­ty Place

Frus­trat­ed woman, who has been try­ing in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black?

–21st & 6th

Black girl to black friend: We nev­er gonna get a cab un­less we start hangin’ with some white folks.

–Or­chard & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: white folk

Teenage girl: But Bob Dy­lan is Jew­ish. That’s kind of black.

–Up­per West Side

Black girl: Why we got­ta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two min­utes?

–Wendy’s, W 34th St

JAP: I hate be­ing white!

–66th & Broad­way

White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a mi­nor­i­ty.

–Chi­na­town

White woman to black woman: I feel like I un­der­stand the black strug­gle be­cause I feel I was black in a past life.

–Penn Sta­tion

Thug on cell: Black peo­ple like cat­fish al­so, nig­ga!

–110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Map­py and Choco­late

Ghet­to girl at cross­walk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: bul­ly