Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

Wednes­days Are Pro­found­ly One-Linered

Yan­kees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yan­kees sta­di­um I’ll be like a re­tard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Da­nial

Po­lice of­fi­cer in van, on loud­speak­er: Move to the right! (peo­ple in cars ig­nore the or­der) Re­tards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, rant­i­ng: You can’t have sex with peo­ple who aren’t re­tard­ed be­cause they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Over­heard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I nev­er said that I was­n’t re­tard­ed. Tech­ni­cal­ly, I’m not a hyp­ocrite.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Heav­i­ly made-up girl: Do you think re­tard­ed peo­ple are, like, con­cep­tu­al­ly aware that they’re re­tard­ed?

–6 Train

Over­heard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a re­tard­ed Jack Rus­sell Ter­ri­er is com­plete­ly for­eign to me, be­cause as I re­call, Wish­bone was ex­cep­tion­al­ly well-read.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

He Won’t Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird’s Cage

Wan­na-be prep­py: Hey! Is that the news­pa­per?
Slack­er: Yeah.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Let’s have a look at it.
(slack­er throws pa­per in­to lock­er and locks lock­er)
Wan­na-be prep­py: Aw, why did you do that?
Slack­er: I can’t let you see it. It’s not mine.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Whose is it?
Slack­er: My girl­friend’s broth­er. He’s re­al­ly sen­si­tive…
Wan­na-be prep­py: Re­al­ly sen­si­tive about the news­pa­per?

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Kane

In the 70s They Called That a ‘Nose Job’.

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m go­ing to cut that phase in my life.

–NYU

Over­heard by: A. Pin­cus

Head­line by: Still got my orig­i­nal nose.

Run­ners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the In­side Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Re­al­ized I Can Keep the Sense Of En­ti­tle­ment With­out All That Ex­tra Work.” — stooby­doo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Al­ready.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writ­ing My Au­to­bi­og­ra­phy Lat­er To­day” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slut­ty and Need an Abor­tion” — Ca­su­al Ob­serv­er
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Seek Asy­lum

Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I would­n’t do that, and I’m a to­tal slut.

–39th St & 3rd Ave

NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she re­al­ly is a crazy bitch. At least I’m get­ting a book out of it, though. I’m go­ing to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fuck­ing Nuts.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Con­duc­tor: Some­one has lost a bag of mar­bles in the cafe car. I re­peat, we have a bag of mar­bles found in the cafe car. Has any­one lost their mar­bles?

–Am­trak, Penn Sta­tion

Com­mu­ni­ca­tions & me­dia stud­ies pro­fes­sor: I don’t mean to pon­tif­i­cate, but this is the last day of class and I have some im­por­tant ad­vice for you — nev­er sleep with any­one who is cra­zier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trou­ble.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Switch­ing De­part­ments

10-year-old boy wait­ing for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m in­sane, I’m in­sane, okay!

–Out­side Met Food, Corte­ly­ou Rd & E 16th St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Leela