Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

But How Could He Know?

Guy: I don’t know what hap­pened. I was talk­ing to my room­mate, and then next thing I know, I’m sit­ting on the couch in front of the TV eat­ing peanut but­ter with a spoon. I don’t know how I got there.
Girl: Wow…Do you do that a lot?
Guy: What, black out?
Girl: No, eat peanut but­ter like that.
Guy: Oh, um…yeah, I guess so.

–G train, Green­point Ave

Over­heard by: G train en­thu­si­ast

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call the Hot­line Every Week

Teen girl, de­spair­ing­ly: If they ever find out a way to bring peo­ple back to life, I’m go­ing to kill my­self!

–14th St Sub­way Plat­form

Over­heard by: yonc­to

Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stu­pid things about how you want to stab your­self in the heart. It’s in­con­sid­er­ate.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Hip­ster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was go­ing to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a build­ing.

–City Col­lege

Over­heard by: Damn Right!

Guy on cell: You took them with al­co­hol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just sui­cide.

–El­e­va­tor, Saks Fifth Ave

Old wait­ress: Were you here the time Jim­my cru­ci­fied him­self?

–Man­hat­tan Restau­rant, Green­point

Over­heard by: chris

Dis­grun­tled Lati­na to friend: And I told her bitch: “Kill your­self, you don’t even know how to smoke right!”

–4 Train

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Read in Union Square

Ston­er: We’re on the verge of a spir­i­tu­al rev­o­lu­tion. It’s like Fight Club…but with­out the vi­o­lence.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: braun bow­ery

Guy: The fact that bar was full of ug­ly girls is just ridicu­lous.

–Union Square

Crazy la­dy: Fine, stay where you are, Lin­da! Stay on the streets, stay in the gutter…but put all your stuff away!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Jen

Woman: If I die of malar­ia, you can have my DVD play­er.

–Union Square

La­dy on cell: …so what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween the East Vil­lage and the West Vil­lage?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: feit­club

Guy on cell: I did­n’t throw the lamp at you be­cause I was out of con­trol, I threw the lamp at you be­cause you said I was out of con­trol.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: John

Guy: Dude! At least you’re get­ting head. Bad head is bet­ter than no head, any day of the week!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Joy Smok­er

Like De­cid­ing to Scare the Shit Out of My Own Kids

Dad walk­ing and hold­ing hands of nine and ten year old daugh­ters: Do you know what the abyss is? It’s when you stare in­to noth­ing and noth­ing stares back at you.
Daugh­ters: [be­wil­dered si­lence].
Dad: Do you un­der­stand? I want you to see that it’s a state of mind.

–E 4th St near 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Dan

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Blame Their Moth­ers

CC­NY stu­dent: I’ve al­ways thought he has psy­cho­log­i­cal prob­lems. (pause) Like, he’s one of those peo­ple that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.

–Hall­way, CC­NY

Over­heard by: la­dyliv­er

Suit on cell: She is try­ing to get a good ed­u­ca­tion so that she can pay for ther­a­py lat­er on.

–1250 Broad­way

Loud male cus­tomer count­ing out pack­ets of chew­ing to­bac­co: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can’t seem to live my life. Ker­mit is my shrink, so of course I’m screwed…

–Smoke Shop, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Kiri

Dude hang­ing up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jew­ish girls need ther­a­py.

–Good Stuff Din­er, 14th St

Over­heard by: Kosi

Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you ei­ther get help, or you’re nor­mal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be nor­mal. Damn.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Sarah

His­to­ry teacher to class: Does that make you un­com­fort­able? Be­cause I know I’m men­tal.

–Bronx High School of Sci­ence

Over­heard by: Lil­lian