Woman rushing out of train: Does this train stop at the next stop?
Guy: No.
–downtown C train, 59th St
Archive for the ‘Public Transportation’ Category
Wait– Think There Are Any Hot Guys on the Bus?
Queer #1: Black people really must like taking the bus.
Queer #2: You're disgusting.
Queer #1: What? I always see them waiting in line for buses.
Queer #2: That's because they may have some financial issues.
Queer #1: Well, so do I, but I don't take the bus.
Queer #2: Only buying things that are on sale at Bergdorf's and living paycheck to paycheck are two very different things.
–14th St & 8th Ave
Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.
–LIRR
New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.
–40th & 6th
Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Andy
Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.
–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: g
Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jess
Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)
–W 19th
It's Only Travel If You're Going Somewhere Humans Live
Girl #1: Okay, but I don't want to be out too late tonight because I have to travel tomorrow.
Girl #2: You do *not* have to *travel* tomorrow…you have to get on a bus to Atlantic City tomorrow.
–E 19th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Silent J
Are You Hitting on Me, Sir?
Loud woman: You'd better be opening up this back door.
Driver: Yeah, well, you'd best be pushing the tape.
–M15 Bus
Me? Oh Thank You, Mr. Perfumed Butt Pirate!
Conducter. Stand clear of the closing doors… Stand clear everyone… Please stand-a clear of the closing doors…. In the front car, you, with the hat, in or out already!
Queer: I think he means you, Mr. Smelly Homeless Man.
–145th St Station
Overheard by: CI
Sigmund Freud Drives a Bus?
Obnoxious girl singing Spice Girls loudly: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want..
Bus driver, over mic: What d'you want?
–Q34 Bus
Overheard by: Donna
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
Poetry in Motion
Girl: I love watching people on subways.
Guy: I know, right? I like making short poems 'bout them, too. (points discretely at JAP across subway car) “Slutty white girl looks around train. Adjusts boobs. Looks around again.”
–1 Train
Wednesday One-Liners– As Far As You Know
Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.
–Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!
–Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.
–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny