Archive for the ‘Public Transportation’ Category

The Little Wednesday One-Liners That Could

Lady suit: Every time I get on the subway there’s always some freak of nature sitting there. I wish they’d do something about that!

–34th & 7th

Dorky teen boy: This is the subway station?! Wow!

–2nd floor, Port Authority

Overheard by: JoBell

Lady suit: If you smoke enough pot, the B Train becomes the Hogwarts Express!

–DeKalb station

Overheard by: jaded

Blonde: I’ve only ever taken the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. I’ve never gone East on it. I don’t know how.

–1 train

Overheard by: minerfa

Dad to young son as doors close: Come on, come on, come on! [He holds the closing doors, and they make it inside.] Um, don’t ever do that.

–F train

Overheard by: dianora

Wednesday One-Liners Have Tunnel Vision

Conductor: The next stop is…155th Street.

–Uptown D train, 170th St

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Conductor, over radio: Hey, Steve, do we have to fill out an unusual occurrence report for being on time?

–Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Mike

Conductor: This is a downtown 4 train making local stops. I repeat, this…Stop looking at me like that, nigga, or I’ll kill yo’ ass…This is a downtown 4 train making local stops…

–Downtown 4 train

Conductor, over loudspeaker: Come on! Step on the train. Don’t just look at the doors. Walk on!

–N train

Overheard by: Lila

Conducter: This is the back! This is the back of the train! The back, as in not the front!

–NJ Transit train, Penn Station

Overheard by: stupid tourist

Conductor: This is South Orange. South Orange. South Orange. [sound of a group of people cheering is heard over the speaker] Hallelujah! Hallelujah! This is South Orange!

–NJ Transit train from Penn Station to Dover

Conductor: We’re being held up by a C train in front of us. If you’re nervous or scared, we’ll be moving to our destination in a moment. No worries!

–Uptown A train

Overheard by: wasn’t too worried

She Got Eight Volunpeers

Girl #1: Ew, you’re holding on to the bar?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m holding on to the bar. If I don’t I’ll fall over.
Girl #1: Ew. That is so gross. That’s like the one thing that grosses me out more than anything.
Girl #2: It’s just a bar.
Girl #1: No, you don’t understand. I would rather have someone pee on my face than touch that thing.

–N train

Thank You Very Much, I’ll Be Here until Thursday

Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.

–BX9 bus

Overheard by: Don’t know much about it

Wherever Wednesday One-Liners Go, There They Are

Man on cell: I’m at the bad Duane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in danger zone.

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: not in danger zone

Girl on cell: I’m in like the Middle East somewhere… Where are you?

–56th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: dnuggets

Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!

–Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg

Overheard by: miles

Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!

–W 242 & Broadway, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the buses leave from.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: JoBell

Screaming man on pay phone: Yo -I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I’m on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m standing right here!

–35th & Madison

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