Queer #1: When is the Puerto Rican Day parade?
Queer #2: Omigod, today!
Queer #1: Hmm. Don’t people get gang-raped at those things?
Queer #2: Maybe, I guess? Let’s go!
–West Side Highway & Jane St
Archive for the ‘Puerto Ricans’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Ain’t Got the Money, Honey
Older man, to no one in particular: That’s why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.
–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn
Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can’t spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You’re broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M‑u-g! Rhymes with “thug”!
–Chambers & West St
Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain’t got no money. I got weed, but I ain’t got no money.
–25th St & 7th Ave
Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Isn’t That a Medical Condition?
Boricua chick #1: So does your new boyfriend go to school?
Boricua chick #2: Yeah, he goes to some fancy-ass school in Manhattan… BMCC or somethin’ like that.
–Queens Blvd
Don’t Wrestle Without a Condom, Kids
Black guy: Yo, I can’t believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I’ve got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
–J Train
Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners
Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!
–Fordham University
Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…
–LIRR terminal, Penn Station
Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.
–7th & 2nd
Overheard by: BJ
Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!
–NYU dining hall
Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.
–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus
Overheard by: Robert
All Driving Skills Improve (Try It!)
Girl: He gets it up, but he can’t keep it up. He doesn’t understand he’s dating a Puerto Rican, he needs to keep it hard.
Guy: He’s Irish. You have to understand he has to drink.
Girl: Actually when he drinks, it’s better. His sex drive improves.
–The Village Tavern, Bedford Street
It’s Important to Have a Cause
Puerto Rican thug #1: Man, you gotta wash yo’ hands before you touch yo’ dick, man. You don’t know what’s on ’em. Don King said that.
Puerto Rican thug #2: True that. Yo… Don King said that?
Puerto Rican thug #1: Yeah, with the hair.
–Restroom, Sony Wonder Lab, Madison Ave
Overheard by: Dan
But Now I Won’t Let You Use It
Dude #1: Can I borrow your box cutter?
Dude #2: Oh, ’cause I’m a Puerto Rican I must have a box cutter?
Dude #1: Do you?
Dude #2: Well, yeah.
–25th & Broadway
Overheard by: Schatzie
This is More of a Bodega Conversation
Italian lady: I think soemtimes I even like coming grocery shopping more for the music they play than the food selection they have.
Spanish guy: Eh, they never have any reggaeton.
Italian lady: Oh, are you sure it’s not in the pasta section?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
She’s Also Got New York Sarcasm Down Pat
Blonde girl: So, you’re from Puerto Rico and you just moved here? Wow, that’s so exciting! Do you speak Puerto Rican?
Puerto Rican girl: No, but I speak Mexican fluently.
–Tisch Hospital, 33rd & 1st
Overheard by: I speak mexican too
