Large black woman to another: So I said to him, “Muthafucka, don’t you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain’t nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!”
Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby’s bottom!
–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn
Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I’m out now, and she’s tryin’ to say it’s my baby, but that shit ain’t mine.
–Downtown 2 Train
Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!
–10th & 53rd
Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that’s just the baby.
–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Bryan Bruner
Conductor: Ma’am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you’re having a frickin’ baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.
–Metro-North Rail Tracks
Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice
Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!
Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez