Archive for the ‘Punch’ Category

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, the Play

British guy: Two tick­ets to Grand Cen­tral, please.

–Bowl­ing Green sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kirsten Teas­dale

Woman on cell: I’m not go­ing to punch her in the mouth, Dan­ny.

–Grand Cen­tral sta­tion

Suit: You’re ru­in­ing my life, you pot-smok­ing whore!

–34th & Broad­way

Six Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Un­der

Girl on phone: Did he ac­tu­al­ly try to kill you, or is this like the time at the su­per­mar­ket when you thought the cashier was com­ing on­to you be­cause he touched your hand giv­ing you change?

–Time Square

HR per­son: I don’t want to whack her un­til I have to. But I prob­a­bly will.


Lit­tle boy to mom: Mom­my, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Car­roll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broad­way

Sev­en-year-old girl to mom, af­ter be­ing scold­ed: I’m go­ing to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Is­land woman: Well, sure, it’s a great place if you want to be raped and mur­dered every day.


Over­heard by: Cori

Like MTV Made, or What?

40-some­thing drunk Ital­ian man in po­lo short and jeans: They tried to make me a made man when I was 16. Do you get what I’m sayin? I’ve got fuck­ing con­nec­tions. I know Duke. I know my broth­er. I know my dad.
40-some­thing white man in jeans, Hawai­ian shirt and long blond wig: No, but these peo­ple own the Bronx.
40-some­thing drunk Ital­ian man in po­lo short and jeans: Why do you have to be a dick? I told you, they tried to make me. I said no, but I still know my dad and Duke. If they try to hit you again, I got you. (yelling) Do you un­der­stand what that means? Made man? I was al­most made!

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have a His­to­ry of Vi­o­lence

Guy, to girl: If I want­ed to be an­gry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.

–34th & 7th

Woman on cell: Some­times the most spir­i­tu­al fuck­ing thing to do is punch some­body in the face.

–33rd St & 31st Ave, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Wade

Woman: It’s not like some­one put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Cha

Guy on cell: Yes, I’m in­ter­est­ed in your spar­ring class…No, you see I want to hit some­body.

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: Brain­curve

Thug, to his girl­friend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.

–Cen­tral Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Turn the Me­ter On

Cab­bie, as man opens pas­sen­ger-side door: Wait. I am not men­tal­ly pre­pared for this!

–W 50th

Cab­bie on cell: Hel­lo? I’m go­ing to beat you up… ‘Cause I want to!

–23rd & Lex

Ex­as­per­at­ed cab­bie: Why is there a house dri­ving down De­lancey Street?

–De­lancey & Chrystie

Over­heard by: Les Chi­na­town

Cab­bie on cell: No, no, it is not pos­si­ble. I can­not pos­si­bly be back in the city by then — I am at the airport…I could maybe make it back in­to the city to see you in, like, two hours if traf­fic is­n’t bad in the Bronx. Man, the air­port is re­al­ly packed to­day.

–99th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Laugh­ing in the back

Cab­bie, af­ter get­ting cut off by an­oth­er: God­damn cab­bies.

–30th & 5th

Be­sides, I Love Her

Man #1: I swear, if she asks me if I love her one more time I’m go­ing to punch her in the god­damn face. She’s dri­ving me up a fuck­ing wall!
Man #2: Maybe you should just break up with her.
Man #1: What, and be alone?

–On 66 West cross town