Archive for the ‘Punch’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don’t start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!

–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train

Let’s Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiiiiner!

Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.

–113th St

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I’m going to beat you up!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Turning away now.

Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: Easy Does It

Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I’m gonna pinch the motherfuckers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bathroom: No, there’s no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?

–Port Authority

We’re All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya’ hear now Obama’s president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o’ Aunt Jemima!”

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I’d have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I’ll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Baby, It’s Wednesday One-liners

Woman on payphone: I totally woulda done it too, I woulda kicked her ass…I’m telling you if that bitch wasn’t pregnant I woulda killed her. So instead I just punched the bitch.

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: Kaitlyn Meehan 

Producer: Hey, you look like a psychotic baby. Maybe you should grow a bit of the hair back and a bit of the goatee back.

–27th Street office

Pregnant girl: I’m gonna have me a big bottle of E&J mixed with Hennessy after I have my baby.

–Highbridge

Overheard by: Kaitlen 

Man on cell: Are you crazy? She can’t control a six pound dog and you want her to have your baby?

–46th & 8th

Overheard by: Renee Florence 

Cute, Cuter, Wednesday-One-Linest

Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn’t come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Target, Brooklyn

20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Overheard by: Howzith

Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: B44 rider

Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you’re cute enough to help Taiwan!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L‑Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rob Lovett

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!

–Starbucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!

–Times Square

Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best

Lady on cell: I don’t know what to do. I’m like nervous… I know… I haven’t bought toothpaste in years…

–Duane Reade

Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca