Archive for the ‘Punch’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more peo­ple wore glit­ter there would no war.

–Ther­a­py Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for pres­i­dent. You know why? Dogs don’t start wars.

–31St & Dit­mars, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Ran­di and Patrick

(at an an­ti-war ral­ly)
Street ven­dor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuit­ton!

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Oh the irony

50-some­thing guy on cell: You see, we are a mil­i­tary agency, not a gov­ern­ment agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty guy, I punched out a civil­ian.

–Union Square Park

Over­heard by: Kse­nia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civ­il war!

–7 Train

Let’s Get Ready to Wednes­day One-Li­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­in­er!

Chick on cell: It at­tacked me this morn­ing. I at­tacked it this af­ter­noon.

–113th St

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train plat­form to grown man eye­ing him: Stop look­ing at me or I’m go­ing to beat you up!

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Turn­ing away now.

Hip­ster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Over­heard by: Easy Does It

Shop­per on her cell: If one of these lit­tle kids steps on my toes one more time I’m gonna pinch the moth­er­fuck­ers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bath­room: No, there’s no toi­let pa­per. You wan­na throw down?

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

We’re All Nine Meals Away from Be­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya’ hear now Oba­ma’s pres­i­dent they gonna tear down the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o’ Aunt Jemi­ma!”

–Shut­tle Train GCT

Over­heard by: Mrs. But­ter­worth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I’d have a hun­dred mil­lion dol­lars!

–Hen­ry St, Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don’t wor­ry, ba­by, I’ll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Over­heard by: LP

Hobo to girl with box­ing gloves at­tached to her back­pack: Hi, there! Give a lit­tle mon­ey to help the home­less? (si­lence) I’ll take any­thing but a punch in the face!

–As­tor & Lafayette

Over­heard by: An­di C.

Shout­ing hobo: The fam­i­ly that scratch­es their butts to­geth­er has smelly fin­gers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Kramer

Hobo cross­ing street and push­ing shop­ping cart: Hi ho Sil­ver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Ba­by, It’s Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Woman on pay­phone: I to­tal­ly woul­da done it too, I woul­da kicked her ass…I’m telling you if that bitch was­n’t preg­nant I woul­da killed her. So in­stead I just punched the bitch.

–19th & 6th

Over­heard by: Kait­lyn Mee­han

Pro­duc­er: Hey, you look like a psy­chot­ic ba­by. Maybe you should grow a bit of the hair back and a bit of the goa­tee back.

–27th Street of­fice

Preg­nant girl: I’m gonna have me a big bot­tle of E&J mixed with Hen­nessy af­ter I have my ba­by.

–High­bridge

Over­heard by: Kaitlen

Man on cell: Are you crazy? She can’t con­trol a six pound dog and you want her to have your ba­by?

–46th & 8th

Over­heard by: Re­nee Flo­rence

Cute, Cuter, Wednes­day-One-Linest

Port­ly young woman brows­ing dress for her­self, non­cha­lant­ly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it does­n’t come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Tar­get, Brook­lyn

20-some­thing girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wan­na punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Over­heard by: Howzith

Mid­dle-aged woman on cell ex­it­ing bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talk­ing to the bus driver–he was re­al­ly cute!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: B44 rid­er

Stu­dent fundrais­er to passer­by: Tai­wan needs help! Hey, you’re cute enough to help Tai­wan!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: L‑Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter ver­sion of this bald guy I slept with in a clos­et over the sum­mer!

–14th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Rob Lovett

That’s, Like, All We Did in Bio Lab Last Year

Girl #1: Did you know ba­bies have nat­ur­al re­flex­es? Like, if you stick your fin­ger in their hand, they’ll grab it, and if you try to pull it away, they’ll hold on to it for like a minute.
Girl #2: Did you know if you punch a ba­by in the face, it’ll cry?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: mkb

Wednes­days Floss Af­ter Every One-Lin­er

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or some­thing.

–Chelsea Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a god­damn pea­cock feath­er hit me in the teeth!

–Star­bucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth de­cay!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: One Lin­ers Are The Best

La­dy on cell: I don’t know what to do. I’m like ner­vous… I know… I haven’t bought tooth­paste in years…

–Du­ane Reade

Guy on phone: The dif­fer­ence be­tween you and me is you drink tea and eat to­fu. I drink whiskey and make peo­ple eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca