Archive for the ‘Punks’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers from H‑E Dou­ble Hock­ey Sticks

Guy look­ing at books, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: I don’t want to hear or see any­thing about the dev­il, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: 153

Guy hawk­ing pam­phlets: How to suck­er punch the dev­il right in the ass!

–W 12th & Brod­way

Over­heard by: Why did­n’t I get that pam­phlet?!

Cowork­er about col­league: Every time he comes by here the num­ber 666 comes up.

–1250 Broad­way

Punk kid, walk­ing past a group of nuns: Hail Sa­tan!

–Wa­ver­ly & Greene

Pro­fes­sor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet in­ter­est­ing peo­ple there!

–Coop­er Union, As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Hope­ful­ly not me!

Crazy old­er la­dy scream­ing on cell: You what? You are buy­ing so­da? You are go­ing to go to fuck­ing hell! Don’t you re­mem­ber the promise you made to god? You’re prob­a­bly stand­ing in line with some god­damn can­dy too. You are go­ing to hell!

–W Train

Over­heard by: DR G LUV

A Gen­tri­fi­er in Sid’s Cloth­ing

Punk chick: So how much should I take out?
Punk guy: Yeah, you should take out like $7,000. Or bet­ter yet $10,000. Bet­ter too much than too lit­tle.
Punk chick: OK…
Punk guy: Yeah, but wait un­til we get out of the city to take it out, like Long Is­land. You don’t want to be walk­ing around Brook­lyn with that kind of cash…it would be like b‑boy lot­tery.

–A train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers You Can Take Home to Mom

20-some­thing gal: I did­n’t re­al­ly like him, I just want­ed a boyfriend.

–Ful­ton & Gold

Over­heard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne

20-some­thing girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight.

–Rem­sen & Clin­ton, Brook­lyn

Flam­boy­ant­ly gay man (to him­self): He’s just jeal­ous be­cause I have a new boyfriend!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Liz

French woman, earnest­ly: I’m okay with him sleep­ing with my boyfriend as long as he starts pay­ing for his own drinks.

–1020 Bar, 110th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: La­dle

Hip­ster bike punk: I call her my spe­cial la­dy friend and she calls me her gen­tle­men caller… be­cause boyfriend and girl­friend are too pos­ses­sive.

–Mud Bar, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: raf

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Eyes Are Big­ger Than Their Stom­achs

20-some­thing woman: Is she a bialy in re­al life?

–To­mo sushi, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

Very large black woman on cell phone, bel­low­ing: I don’t do no moth­er­fuck­ing corn bread! Why the fuck you al­ways want corn bread, moth­er­fuck­er?

–St. Luke’s-Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal, 114th & Am­s­ter­dam

Punk girl to an­oth­er: I wish I was a muf­fin. But I’m not. I’m a hu­man.

–B Train

Over­heard by: id rather be a cup­cake

Black Whole Foods em­ploy­ee to black whole Foods cus­tomer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c‑town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dol­lars for no eggs.

–Union Square Whole Foods

Clue­less suit on cell: I’m just re­al­ly bad at know­ing if stuff is per­ish­able or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream ‑that’s per­ish­able, right? But­ter ‑non-per­ish­able. Caviar is­n’t per­ish­able ei­ther… Wait, what? Oh, but­ter is per­ish­able? Wait, how do you know? Does per­ish­able mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?

–E 60th St

An­gry 20-some­thing on cell phone: Why? Why? Be­cause I can’t eat spaghet­ti-o’s any­more!

–E 13th St & 1st Ave

The Blue­birds Who Usu­al­ly Do It Have the Day Off

Punk girl: So he said he re­al­ly wants to get me re­al­ly drunk again.
Punk friend: Why?
Punk girl: Be­cause he said I’m as cute as a Care Bear.
Friend: What the hell does that mean?
Girl: Um, who cares? That’s so sweet… and I did­n’t even sleep with him for it. Now help me push up my tits.

–Q Train

Over­heard by: In­gss

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Grad­u­ate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when im­per­son­at­ing Mark hav­ing an or­gasm.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Har­mo­ny Davis

Old­er queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum! I have to have this record! It’s so good! It makes me or­gasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Over­heard by: Nev­er achieved an or­gasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put dif­fer­ent things in it so I can give girls bet­ter or­gasms.

–West Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loud­ly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one fin­ger!

–Bar, Ful­ton St

Over­heard by: Izzy