Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Queens’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Mo­town equiv­a­lent of Ken­ny G.

–113th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leav­ing screen­ing of “I am leg­end”: Okay… I can­not be­lieve the woman did not know Bob Mar­ley! I mean, that had to be the most un­re­al­is­tic thing in that en­tire film.

–Fresh Mead­ows, Queens

Over­heard by: hm­mm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Or­der be­come an okay kinky sex back­ground band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Guy, stand­ing next to guy lis­ten­ing to Jour­ney on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the con­cert: Yeah, a lot of peo­ple think that the Spice Girls like, re­in­stat­ed fem­i­nism.

–NJ Tran­sit

Yale grad: Em­inem has a won­der­ful sense of me­ter.

–Court St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Justin Case­ment

Queer: We on­ly stayed for 15 min­utes, I’m not that in­to karaoke. And when a coven of les­bians start cast­ing their spells to “My Sharona”, I was out­ta there.”

–Cham­bers & Green­wich

Over­heard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

What Not to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hip­ster girl: Look, just be­cause you’re preg­nant does­n’t mean you have to dress like a fifth grad­er.

–Union Pool, Brook­lyn

Vain fag, look­ing at pants: I re­al­ly love these shorts, I hope they’re *in* this sum­mer…

–LIRR

Guy wear­ing bright green leather clogs: No, I’d nev­er wear crocs. They’re ug­ly.

–For­est Hills Gar­dens, Queens

Over­heard by: Aloof Lon­er

Goth girl: Let’s buy fur coats and throw paint on our­selves.

–Bloom­ing­dale’s

Dis­em­bod­ied voice: Yo, these are mom jeans. I hate that shit! The waist goes all the way up to your stom­ach and then it makes a lit­tle V‑neck pouch for your vagi­na. I hate that shit!

–Fit­ting Rooms, Gap in Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: Zarya

[Wait­ing in line for the washroom.]Lady, bawl­ing her eyes out: Sor­ry, I or­dered this jack­et, and it’s two sizes too big!

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Tra­cy

At Least Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Pret­ty

Girl to friend: I won­der what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Over­heard by: NTA

Guy talk­ing to his friend: I don’t be­lieve there is a first time for every­thing, but I do think there is a first time for any­thing.

–2nd St & Ave B

Over­heard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hall­way: She told me to get bac­te­r­i­al soap.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Rose Hill

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na ‚who us­es an­ti-bac­te­r­i­al

Sub­way co­me­di­an: My wife is so stu­pid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awk­ward si­lence fol­lows. Co­me­di­an pro­ceeds to dance around a sub­way pole pre­tend­ing to be a strip­per.]

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Sub­way rid­er

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop do­ing this “liv­ing pay­check to pay­check” thing be­cause every time you get a check it’s like an emo­tion­al high­way.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty Cam­pus

Over­heard by: Ali­na

Col­lege girl, af­ter clos­ing a Nutel­la jar: I solved it! I solved the puz­zle!

–Broome St

Over­heard by: YJL

You Keep Say­ing It, We’ll Keep Post­ing It

Black girl: Some moth­er­fuck­er put me on this site called overheardinnewyork.com. It’s so fucked up. Why would any­one put what I said on the streets to a site? This shit is not fuck­ing fun­ny.
Black guy: What was put up? I got­ta check this out, this shit sounds fun­ny.
Black girl: You were there, it was the time I told this Chi­nese nig­ger to apol­o­gize and he end­ed up telling me to go fuck my­self, and it was post­ed by some moth­er­fuck­er called Ting. Is that even a re­al fuck­ing name?
Black guy: Yeah, I re­mem­ber that, that shit was hi­lar­i­ous.
Black girl: Fuck you laugh­ing at? Don’t make me rip your balls out.

–Q46 bus

Over­heard by: Ting (again!)

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt

He Hates Sweep­ing Up Shat­tered Eth­nic Stereo­types

Old Jew­ish man: My door­man does­n’t like me.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: Why?
Old Jew­ish man: If I told you, you would­n’t be­lieve it. I had a bunch of news­pa­pers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the re­cy­cling bin. So I was open­ing it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don’t have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twen­ty dol­lars!
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: You did­n’t keep it, did you?
Old Jew­ish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: And the door­man saw that?
Old Jew­ish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Dif­fer­ent Strokes for Dif­fer­ent Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy say­ing good­bye to la­dy friend: Then I mas­tur­bat­ed, and rubbed this sand­wich all over my­self! (pro­ceeds to rub sub sand­wich over his chest)

–46th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: James

Man to woman push­ing stroller: That guy’s kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He mas­tur­bat­ed the oth­er day in or­der to ex­pel…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Amused

Girl: You re­al­ly need good hand-eye co­or­di­na­tion to mas­tur­bate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Guy on phone: So, even though we’re not to­geth­er any­more, you don’t want me see­ing oth­er peo­ple? (pause) What am I sup­posed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Over­heard by: Chad