A guy is ogling two girls.
Girl #1: Oh, no. What do you do when a Jewish guy won’t stop staring at you?
Girl #2: The sign of the cross.
–Starbucks, Queens
Archive for the ‘Queens’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie Was Better in My Imagination
Tween: I just didn't think it would be so…gooey.
Tween friends, in unison: Ew!
–Barnes & Noble, Bayside
Overheard by: bookseller
…We Can at Least Make This an Educational Experience.
Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.
–Hampton Jitney, Queens
Overheard by: sarah
Law & Order Finally Begins to Run Thin on Plot Scenarios
Tourist: We're jaywalking in front of a policeman!
Policeman: Heh.
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: pop pop
Oprah Has a Flag Now?
Guy: And so then he threw up, right on like the flag of the American Jesus…
(girl nods her head)
–Entrance, Queens College
Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner
20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!
–M-15 Bus
Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.
–28th & 29th
Overheard by: A black person from Chicago
20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Annie B
Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?
–Rite-Aid
Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: molls
Or a Woman Who Only Knows One Word
Boy: Sometimes when I get massages I get super hard and try to think of anything I can to make it go down.
Woman: Baseball?
Boy: Like, the most disgusting, boring, wrong thing I can possibly imagine…
Woman: Baseball?
–Jackson Steak House
And I’m Not Going to Explain Why Urban Outfitter-Wearing Motherfuckers Are Sellouts to a 30-Year-Old
Tween girl #1: That’s a girl’s shirt!
Guy in light blue shirt with pink flower on the back that says ‘Mom’s Weekend ’04’: No, it’s not. It’s a man’s shirt.
Tween girl #2: No, that’s a girl’s shirt you have on.
Guy: I’m not going to explain irony to a 12-year-old.
–Target, Queens
Overheard by: Oh, Queens
Might Want to Take Off Those Ankle Weights
Young lady: Fuck you, motherfucker!
Boyfriend: C'mon, baby, she dint mean nuttin' to me.
Young lady: That's it. You ain't gettin' it no more! I wouldn't fuck you with the cat's pussy!
Boyfriend: Alright den, the hell with you! Bye–but dem legs are gonna bring you down!
–Queens Bus Stop