Archive for the ‘Queens College’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Live on a Steady Di­et of Gov­ern­ment Cheese

Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. Amer­i­ca loves cheese. No, se­ri­ous­ly, dude. Amer­i­ca loves cheese!

–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-some­thing guy singing while play­ing soc­cer: Bot­tles of cheese, bot­tles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: i’d like a bot­tle of cheese

Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sand­wich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Lind­say

Dis­tressed fe­male stu­dent: She’s such a hard grad­er! She’s like…a cheese grater.

–Queens Col­lege

Five-year old boy: But mum­my, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Reg­is Ho­tel

Over­heard by: Nonok

Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Last Dance with Mary Jane

Pro­fes­sor: We will talk about the JDC–the Amer­i­can Jew­ish Joint Dis­tri­b­u­tion Com­mit­tee. And no, they were not dis­pens­ing mar­i­jua­na.

–Queens Col­lege

Over­heard by: Sha­niP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was sell­ing, and that bitch was like, “Ka­t­ri­na, for how much?” And I was like “Oh my god, mom, it does­n’t mat­ter how much the weed is go­ing for, all that mat­ters is the qual­i­ty!”

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: pene­lope

Ran­dom stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom’s house!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Rhi­an

Col­lege stu­dent on cell: Mom, you’ve got to stop smok­ing so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Ran­dom dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, al­co­hol, mar­i­jua­na, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Lag­ster

Street ven­dor: Pra­da bags, Louis Vuit­ton bags, Guc­ci bags, mar­i­jua­na bags… (every­one looks over at him) Hey, I got­ta make mon­ey some­how.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: mary jane

Wednes­day Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Lin­ers

Black woman: Six­teen dol­lars? That pa­per bet­ter be made out of Je­sus’s ass.

–Barnes & No­ble, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

40-some­thing to friends: And what’s go­ing on with the fuck­ing ba­by Je­sus over there?

–Star­bucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talk­ing about how Je­sus was a Viking war­rior.

–Queens Col­lege

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Je­sus Christ and the Phar­isees did­n’t get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Rachel Pe­ters

Woman on phone on the night be­fore East­er: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I’m go­ing home to watch The Ten Com­mand­ments and read my bible–Jesus is com­ing back to­mor­row!

–B44 Bus

Over­heard by: Mic­ah

Drunk high school girl: If Je­sus had dis­cov­ered a cure for dry mouth, he’d be a lot more pop­u­lar!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Smudge

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Black His­to­ry Month

Russ­ian woman to Russ­ian friend: I want to see No­to­ri­ous be­cause it’s about black peo­ple.

–Re­gal Cin­e­ma, 13th & Broad­way

High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!

–B1 Bus

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Black guy: Don’t wor­ry, its al­right! I’m not that black! I haven’t mugged any­body in two weeks, and I love all white peo­ple un­der six feet tall!

–Time Square

Over­heard by: Jen­nie

Mid­dle-aged black woman, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: That George W. Bush! He walks like an ar­ro­gant black man!

–Queens

Over­heard by: Big­Fat­Tiger

Nerdy Jew­ish guy: I don’t know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!

–Queens Col­lege