Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt