Archive for the ‘Queer guys’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Mo­town equiv­a­lent of Ken­ny G.

–113th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leav­ing screen­ing of “I am leg­end”: Okay… I can­not be­lieve the woman did not know Bob Mar­ley! I mean, that had to be the most un­re­al­is­tic thing in that en­tire film.

–Fresh Mead­ows, Queens

Over­heard by: hm­mm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Or­der be­come an okay kinky sex back­ground band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Guy, stand­ing next to guy lis­ten­ing to Jour­ney on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the con­cert: Yeah, a lot of peo­ple think that the Spice Girls like, re­in­stat­ed fem­i­nism.

–NJ Tran­sit

Yale grad: Em­inem has a won­der­ful sense of me­ter.

–Court St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Justin Case­ment

Queer: We on­ly stayed for 15 min­utes, I’m not that in­to karaoke. And when a coven of les­bians start cast­ing their spells to “My Sharona”, I was out­ta there.”

–Cham­bers & Green­wich

Over­heard by: Grand Witch Muffy

What Not to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hip­ster girl: Look, just be­cause you’re preg­nant does­n’t mean you have to dress like a fifth grad­er.

–Union Pool, Brook­lyn

Vain fag, look­ing at pants: I re­al­ly love these shorts, I hope they’re *in* this sum­mer…

–LIRR

Guy wear­ing bright green leather clogs: No, I’d nev­er wear crocs. They’re ug­ly.

–For­est Hills Gar­dens, Queens

Over­heard by: Aloof Lon­er

Goth girl: Let’s buy fur coats and throw paint on our­selves.

–Bloom­ing­dale’s

Dis­em­bod­ied voice: Yo, these are mom jeans. I hate that shit! The waist goes all the way up to your stom­ach and then it makes a lit­tle V‑neck pouch for your vagi­na. I hate that shit!

–Fit­ting Rooms, Gap in Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: Zarya

[Wait­ing in line for the washroom.]Lady, bawl­ing her eyes out: Sor­ry, I or­dered this jack­et, and it’s two sizes too big!

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Tra­cy

Since I’m Still On­ly Halfway Through Great Sex­pec­ta­tions

Hip­ster girl: You know, you re­al­ly should try read­ing some­thing with more sub­stance… Like War and Peace.
Queer, flip­ping through fash­ion mag: ‘Warm Piece’? Is that, like, porn?
Hip­ster girl: I said, War. And. Peace.
Queer: Okay, I’m not read­ing any mag­a­zine I’ve nev­er even heard of.

–F train

Over­heard by: Kathy Ian­doli

Or a Tran­quil­iz­er Gun

Guy on cell: Oh my god, can you see my corn­hole? Well, does it at least look good? I went with him to Two Boots. I feel like I’m com­plete­ly im­pact­ed. I might have to get three colonics.
Girl with him, af­ter he hangs up: Oh my god, I re­al­ly need a boyfriend.

–Sug­ar Sweet Sun­shine Bak­ery

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt