Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category

I Pre­fer to Think That He Jumped Out Of a Cake and Yelled “Sur­prise!”

For­eign TA: I don’t un­der­stand why they use the egg for East­er.
Amer­i­can TA: Oh, it does­n’t re­al­ly have any­thing to do with East­er, we just ap­pro­pri­at­ed pa­gan rit­u­als.
For­eign TA: I thought East­er is when Je­sus was re­born.
Amer­i­can TA: It is.
For­eign TA: I thought maybe he was re­born out of an egg.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: MCLD

He’ll Be The “Pro-Life” of the Par­ty!

Con­cerned male friend: Well, aren’t you afraid of get­tin’ like, an STD or some­thing? Don’t you use con­doms?
Con­fused teen girl: Well, we did the first few times, but then we did­n’t. I mean, he’s been com­ing in­side me for like a year now and noth­in’ ever hap­pened. (points to bel­ly, im­ply­ing she’s preg­nant)
Con­cerned male friend: And how old is he again? How old are you?
Con­fused teen girl: He’s 18. I’m 16–almost 17.
Con­cerned male friend: Damn, I don’t know. This is fucked up. What you gonna do when you wan­na go out? Like with your friends and shit.
Con­fused teen girl: I’ll take my ba­by with me!

–E Train

Head­line by: Er­i­ca Neu­mann

Run­ners-Up:
· “$5 Says You Guys Don’t Get a Sin­gle Non-Palin Head­line on This One” — two­fer­rets
· “Ju No What I’m Talk­ing About?” — Bar­ry P.
· “My Breast-milk Is Gonna Be, Like, Fifty Per­cent Jägermeister…” — Who Does­n’t Love A Drunk­en In­fant?
· “That Thing Is Gonna Need One Hell Of a Fake I.D.” — MJP
· “There’s a Bris­tol Palin Joke Here Some­where…” — S‑Train
· “You Know, Like One Of Those El­mo Back­packs?” — All by my­self.

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just “So­cia­ble”

Drunk gay man: I’ve slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Over­heard by: Let his own mom win that con­test

Woman to man: I don’t want to be known as the whore of New York­ers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It’s just sex. There’s no way you guys can ever be per­ma­nent­ly tied, or any­thing.

–Ma­cy’s

Prep­py, mid­dle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Book­store, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ‑she prob­a­bly said

Fig­ures Don’t Lie

Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start hav­ing sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it’s okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I on­ly slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we’re even.

–21st St

Over­heard by: learn­ing some­thing new every­day

The Gates Changed New York For­ev­er

El­der­ly woman: Ex­cuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re try­ing to get to the high­est point in the park to see The Gates.

A NY­er points out the way. Af­ter she leaves, he says: I’m pret­ty sure I gave her the wrong di­rec­tions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ram­ble

Over­heard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will re­al­ly put New York back on the map.

–The Gates

Suit: Ex­cuse me, I want­ed to ask you about your [big or­ange] wig. Are you ad­vo­cat­ing your sup­port for The Gates or are you com­ment­ing on how crazy and triv­ial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Moth­er: No, Michael. That was laun­dry.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Is­n’t it love­ly?
Old woman #2: Well, I would­n’t call it art, but I’m cer­tain­ly glad New York has some­thing to amuse it dur­ing the month of Feb­ru­ary.

–Mo­MA roof

Over­heard by: Michael Bra­cy